Despite the various issues with the princess, I managed to conclude the inspection.

However, the orphanage seemed to plague her mind. The princess, who’d been so friendly, became very aloof.

Hence why I said there was no such thing as an inspection for the royal family. After all, it was nothing but a game to them.

But a ‘game’ that involved the entire country was no laughing matter.

Unless something was done, the royal family would probably remain that way till kingdom come. For that reason, I wanted the princess—the future queen—to face reality while there was still time.

I didn’t know what kind of choices the princess would make in the future. Still, as a citizen of Paides, such was my wish.

“Since the crown prince has returned, is everything back to normal?”

As I was exploring Lowenberg to oversee the reconstruction, I heard a voice calling my name. “Iris? You’re Iris, right?” And turned around.

“Joshua, it’s been a long time.”

There stood Joshua, whom I met during the war. He was a low-ranking aristocrat who went to battle because of the conscription system established by the king.

“Before, didn’t you say you were from Lowenberg? I thought I’d be able to meet you here. I’m glad it’s true. Wow, I’m so happy.”

After my first unit was destroyed on the battlefield, I met Joshua at the next place I went.

After the war, I exchanged letters with those I had encountered on the battlefield, but this was the first time actually meeting one.

“Have you been doing well?”

“I am, how about you, Joshua? …I guess the answer is no.”

There were distinct dark circles under his eyes. His cheeks were also sunken. Still, he somehow looked much better when we were still on the battlefield.

Joshua let out a brittle laugh when he noticed my stare.

“I can’t sleep.”

“…I see. Actually, the same goes for me. I have to depend on sleeping pills.”

“Is that so?”

We didn’t say anything more. But the reason why we both couldn’t sleep was probably the same.

It wasn’t just the matter of our appearances. The war left deep scars in our hearts.

“It’s been so long. If you have time, why don’t you come to my mansion?”

“To your mansion? But you’re a duchess. In fact, a low-ranking noble like me shouldn’t have addressed you so informally. We are no longer on the battlefield.”

“C’mon, we used to be comrade-in-arms. We risked our lives together. There’s no such thing as status between us.”

“I see. All right, then. Please treat me well.”

◇◇◇

Nervous, Joshua had been fidgeting ever since he arrived at my residence. His movements were so stiff, and he’d stumble on nothing. When I told him to sit on the sofa, he was so well-mannered, I thought he was someone else.

Then, when a servant came to serve him, he was so distraught, I had to reassure him.

“It’s like being in another world.”

“Really?”

“…I don’t know if I should be saying this, but congratulations on your promotion.”

Over the course of time, I’d heard many ‘congratulations.’ Each time, my heart became heavy and stagnant. Once again, I was reminded that only my comrades-in-arms could understand my feelings.

“I keep wondering if I’m the odd one out. After all, everyone else is praising me for killing people.”

“As a wise person once said, if you kill a person, you’re a murderer. If you kill 100 people, you’re a hero.”

“Precisely.”

Perhaps calming down, Joshua began to sip his tea. His cat tongue remained the same as ever. He’d blow on his drink and let it cool before drinking.

The sight warmed my heart. I truly missed him.

“How are you doing?”

When asked, Joshua stared outside the window, as if averting his gaze from reality. Still, I didn’t dare to ask, thinking that I shouldn’t intrude.

Little did I know I’d regret it.

“Eh, I’ll manage. My little brother is going to succeed the house. Well, it’s to be expected. I’m just a country boy without any swordsmanship skill. Therefore, I can see why they’d make such preparations, knowing there was little to no chance of me surviving.”

“Do you hate them?”

Joshua shook his head.

“I don’t. I just don’t know what to do, so I went on a journey around the kingdom. What a small journey.” Joshua laughed.

Having known him for a long time, I knew he was just putting up a front.

“I never thought that I’d return alive. I still can’t make that connection. Sometimes, I still hallucinate being on the battlefield.”

“Same, Joshua. Whenever I speak to my people or relatives, I think, ‘Ah, the peace has come. The war is over.’ But sometimes, when I look at myself in the mirror, there were times when I feel appalled. ‘Who is this? I don’t know who this person is.’ Before I know it, I’m calling myself a killer.”

I couldn’t go back to those days.

The days of ignorance had were gone, and I—

—we are aware of it.

How to kill people. How it felt to kill people.

“Joshua?”

Joshua laughed, yet he seemed about to cry.

“I’m sorry. It’s nothing, don’t mind me. I’m glad I got to meet you. I’m so happy. I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“So soon? You just arrived.”

Joshua stood up and prepared to leave. I thought he’d at least stay for dinner but seeing how quickly he wanted to leave left me speechless.

“Iris, don’t be like me. Be happy. See you.”

I knew something was bothering Joshua, but I didn’t know what to do, or what to say. In the end, all I could do was see him off.

A few days later, I received word that Joshua had been arrested as a suspect to a series of murders.

---

***T/N: Joshua noooo

Please also consider donating to my ko-fi! It’ll greatly support me in action, no matter the amount!
https://ko-fi.com/antoinettevanessa

Have a Japanese story or the likes (Drama CD, etc.) you’d like to read? Want it to be translated? I’m open for commission!
https://www.fiverr.com/s2/aaab08c14d

<Previous chapter

Next chapter>