• Trigger Warning: Suicide

“—How scary, he had become a serial killer…”

“With the war over, I thought peace had finally arrived…”

“He probably couldn’t forget the war after all his time on the battlefield…”

The royal capital was bustling with the news about Joshua, the serial killer.

“No way, did he mistake this place as the battlefield? I expect no less from a mercenary—”

“—Actually, he was a nobleman, not a mercenary.”

Everyone ran their mouths.

They, who knew nothing about Joshua, spoke as if he were an absolute evil.

On the battlefield, he looked out for his comrades, and would extend a helping hand to those who were injured or incapacitated. Even if, let’s say, it was to an enemy soldier.

In truth, he probably didn’t want to kill anybody.

Rather than swords and guns, his hands were better suited for books and pens.

During battle, he’d draw his weapon and kill, but at night, he’d vomit remembering the men he had killed. As his hands trembled, he cried and looked into the sky, seeking absolution.

War changed him.

Even though the war was over, our war hadn’t ended.

“I want to see Joshua.”

I couldn’t believe that Joshua was a serial killer. I wanted to hear the truth straight from him, so I requested a meeting.

“Let me confirm something. Please wait a moment.”

After saying that, the knight went inside. As I waited, I recalled how excited the old ladies got hearing about the serial killing.

“As long as it doesn’t affect you, crime can be an entertainment, it seems.”

The series of murders committed by Joshua became the main topic at social gatherings. Although the women who attended expressed negative emotions such as, “How terrifying,” and, “Absolutely horrendous,” their eyes glimmered with curiosity.

Even if such incidents happened in their neighborhoods, so long as they didn’t involve their relatives, friends, etc., they’d disregard it as someone else’s business entirely.

“Please come in.”

The knight led me to where Joshua was—behind iron bars.

“Hey, Iris. I’m so sorry that this happened.”

Joshua, who bowed his head, seemed possessed by something.

For the time being, I told him to sit down as I composed myself.

“…Why did you do it? Did you really do it?”

I hesitated as to what to say, but in the end, nothing came to mind, so I just went straight with my own questions.

“Uh-huh, that’s right, I did it. What about it?”

“You aren’t covering for someone?”

“Nope.”

“Why?”

“No clue. Before I knew it, they were dead.”

Joshua brought his hand forward and stared at it, as if reliving the killings.

I often stared at my hands. I was horrified to see myself overlapping with him.

Instead of Joshua, it was like I was staring at my own reflection.

“Look, Iris.”

Joshua showed me his hand.

“It’s covered in blood.”

“—Joshua, there’s no blood. You’re hallucinating.”

“I know. But I can still see it, blood. Lots of it. I’ve killed many. How many more do I have to kill?”

“Joshua.”

“Do I still have to kill? When can I go home?”

“Joshua.”

“I have to kill them. There are still so many of them. Otherwise, it won’t end, I won’t be able to go home. I want to go home. To go home, I need to kill them.”

“Joshua—!”

Only after I yelled did Joshua shut his mouth and stare at me.

“Joshua, the war is over. This isn’t the battlefield.”

“...Oh, oh, right. This is—where is this? This is the royal capital. I’m back. I’m home, Mother. I’m back. Then why do I still have to kill people? Aren’t we at war? But the war is over… Then why am I still killing people?”

“Joshua…”

When I called his name, Joshua stared straight at me. He was smiling, but there were tears in his eyes. His sniffles turned into sobs as he wailed like a child.

“I-I’ve killed. I’ve killed many—I had to; I had no choice. After all, I wanted to go home. All I wanted was to go home!”

By that, he probably wasn’t referring to the serial killings, but those he had killed on the battlefield.

“Joshua, the war is over. It’s over. We’re home.”

“I-I see…”

Joshua nodded repeatedly, perhaps realizing that he’d returned.

“I’m sorry, Iris. I’ve gone crazy.”

“Joshua, you aren’t crazy. You’re just too kind.”

If he hadn’t told himself that there was no other choice, he might succumb to guilt. Using the same method, he justified killing others and survived the battlefield. He didn’t want to die—he just wanted to go home.

Instead, it led to his imprisonment.

Joshua would be put on trial, and I didn’t know what kind of sentence he’d receive. Regardless of which, he’d probably suffer for the rest of his life.

Should we really have survived? Should we have perished on the battlefield instead?

I don’t know.

“I’ll come again.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

At last, Joshua laughed. At the same time, it’d was his last smile. Before he could be put on trial, Joshua used the gap in the knight’s patrol to take his own life.

He had committed suicide.

“—Joshua, are you freed of your hallucinations and nightmares?”

Of course, his cold body couldn’t answer.

If back then, he had been honest with me, I’d have done something.

If I’d done something when he came to visit, could I have changed this outcome?

We shouldn’t have survived.

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***T/N: NOOO JOOOSHUAAAAA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! SMSM YOU JINXED IT111111111!!!!!!!!!!!

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