10.1 The Day to Ponder about the Future~
It felt like such a long time had passed.
I wanted to visit the city immediately, but my status wasn’t so low as to allow me that much freedom. Even more so if it was incognito.
In the end, I could only visit two weeks from whence I wrote to Anne Marie.
My first impression of the city was of how lively it was.
Children running around; the echoes of peddlers doing their business here and there…
Many kinds of expressions could be seen; joyful ones, cheerful ones, and of course, tired ones.
But everyone was striving their best in life.
“By the way, is it true? Are you in love with the Queen?”
In the crowded market, I was asked by Spica, who was walking next to me.
Once upon a time, that was certainly the truth.
However, a vicious side turned out to hide behind her brilliant visage.
“Whaaat? What are you talking about, ‘Maria’s true side’? ‘She isn’t whom you expect her to be’? Then WHO is she?! …let me guess—”
“Well, how to say this…—“
“—man, is that it!? Someone has casted a spell and whom we thought was Maria the entire time turns out to be her cat in disguise?!”
Thus, I was laughed at.
“Pfft. You really don’t understand anything~”
“I know nothing about love.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. Do you even know the real Queen?”
“Certainly, the last time I and Maria had a talk—…”
“Oh my, what are you going to do now? You ain’t gonna let that one confrontation you had with her define her whole self, are you? My, not only do you know nothing, you also reflect on nothing!”
Again, she laughed.
“I am a witch. I am also older than you. But if I told you what kind of witch I am, would it ring true? I’m not shy to admit that I’m a complex and also an extremely attractive individual—but, things like good or evil vary between perspectives. Hence, to me, it’s hilarious how you let a single action define somebody.”
Maria had certainly said something familiar to me.
About how narrow-minded I was.
Research required many perspectives and different approaches. I knew that already.
But I never thought of applying those same principles to people.
Maria, the impression of her I currently had in mind wasn’t whom she actually was.
I wonder what kind of person she really is.
In truth, I probably understood less about everyone than what I deluded myself to believe.
That noble lady who tried to curry my favor and receive a present from me,
That noble lady whom had been desperate to invite me to an event,
At that time, I was probably projecting my own prejudices onto them.
I guess, I truly only though about myself the entire time.
Finally, the most important of all—
What do I know about her? What do I understand about her?
Whom was I kidding?
I didn’t even try to understand her.
I know nothing—I don’t know anything—
This was the first time I had ever felt this confused.
Nevertheless, the profound lack of understanding I was currently experiencing wouldn’t stop me.
I wouldn’t stop thinking, I would find the answer.
As Maria had pointed out, I loved myself the most.
Even when I felt inferior to my brother, I still believed my intelligence was beyond compare.
People were saying none could be a researcher as bright as me—hence, I believed that was my sole purpose; the only way for me to contribute to my brother.
What Maria had purposefully made me experience left a scar. And that was exactly what I had done to Anne Marie—
—only more cruel.
I treated her like lab rat. Like the whole thing was an experiment.
I still didn’t know what I wanted to be, or what I wanted to change—
—but I was definitely ashamed of myself.
I thought of how unforgiveable Maria was, to make me experience such pain.
In truth, I made someone else suffer an even greater deal of pain.
‘As long as I’m contributing to my brother.’
‘As long as my desire for knowledge is fulfilled.’
Yet, the Knight Captain had also told me, I saved the lives of many knights.
Those words had brought me salvation and joy.
Those same words brought me an even greater sense of fulfillment than any successful experiment I ever had.
I disliked others.
To be more precise, until now, I hated people because I thought they were only after my knowledge.
But, if it was true that there were many sides to people that I wasn’t aware of—
—would it be possible for me to like them?
“Spica, you are amazing.”
“Hoho~ why, that’s only natural! Who do you think I am?” Spica smacked at her own chest proudly.
She was a witch. She was different from humans, but her knowledge about them was more than their own.
“Aw, if only you were like this from the beginning, none of this would’ve happened!”
“…You are really blatant, aren’t you?”
“Well, after all, such thing is also ludicrous. Some people refuse to believe they aren’t what they’ve seen or experienced. Absolutely nothing can’t be solved by a good, proper talk. Even so, some people just love to avert their eyes from things they don’t want to see, or from that which inconveniences them.”
In the end, some only succeed in creating a scenario where they were the victims.
Actually owning to your mistakes and accepting your shortcomings is not only painful, but also difficult to do.
Results also couldn’t be felt immediately.
In the end, they never changed.
“Most of the changes are only temporary. Ultimately, they reverted back to whom they originally were. Long ago, witches who got terribly fed up choose to end those unchanging scums. But not my generation!—we are but observers, most of the time we’ll snort at the result and say, ‘See!? Told ya’ it’ll end up this way!’ and that’s it~! Harmless, isn’t it~? And also do nothing, aah~ I’m pretty useless, aren’t I?”
“That’s not true.”
“I was able to reach a solution because you pointed out my former mistakes. It was all thanks to you.”
Spica looked incredibly stunned for a moment, but the next, she broke in laughter.
“Maria hates you. I hate you, too—but not as much as her!”
“Mhm. Listen to me, now. Listen well, cause’ I’ll only say this once; treat my advice seriously and you’ll be able to change.”
Saying that, Spica smiled the kindest smile I had ever seen from her.
***T/N: Part of me just want to bonk him in the head with the nearest blunt object while screaming to his ears “YOU ONLY REALIZE THIS NOW?!”…