39. Alex’s Thoughts
Everyone was concerned, but they refrained from saying anything.
The highest authority present was Alex-sama.
If Alex-sama wanted to speak to his fiancée in private, no one could say anything against that.
Led by Alex-sama, I returned to the mansion. During that time, Alex-sama was unusually silent.
Then, we went to our bedroom.
Some time had passed since I last entered that room.
Under normal circumstance, I’d be looking forward to returning to my daily life with Alex-sama and sleeping in the same room as him.
But now, Alex-sama seemed about as far as the sky above.
“W, what’s wrong, Alex-sama?”
“Forgive me… Uhm, can you sit on the bed for the time being?”
As I was told, I sat on the bed and tilted my head.
Alex-sama passionately stared at me.
However, his expression soon turned into a sorrowful one.
“First of all, thank you for completing the negotiations in Ninorsk. As expected of Alisa. Thanks to you, I’m saved.”
“No, it was nothing…”
While answering, I realized that Alex-sama was acting distant.
Alex-sama stared at me ambiguously and muttered.
“Alisa is wonderful. You can do anything by yourself. As Clive said, you’d make a better ruler for Arkhangelsk.”
“That’s not the case. Without Alex-sama, I’d be helpless.”
“But Alisa actually succeeded negotiating with Ninorsk. I’m the one who’s helpless.”
“That was because of Clive’s obstruction. Alex-sama was unable to leave this place. Also, it isn’t like I can do anything by myself.”
“That should be my line. I owe you, Alisa.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Alex-sama had a determined expression. I knew it—he was hiding something from me.
Also, what did he mean by ‘owe’?
Alex-sama stared straight at me.
“Actually, I’m considering making Alisa the Margrave of Arkhangelsk.”
“Eh? But that’s your role…”
“That’s right, but if I were to speak to the government of the kingdom, they’d surely oblige. Alisa is the daughter of a powerful duke, meanwhile, I’m but the hapless first prince. To Mikhail, it’d surely be obvious which of us is better.”
Alex-sama said nonchalantly. I was bewildered.
Why is he saying such a thing?
“I, I can’t be the margrave! I don’t have the power or the motivation!”
“With the help of Balakirev, Kokoshkin, and Felix, it’ll be alright. With Alisa’s wisdom, I’m sure you will prevail.”
“That’s not the case! Even if it were, what will happen to you!?”
“I’ll go abroad alone. I should’ve done that from the beginning. By staying here, I’m just a hindrance to Mikhail… and also Alisa.”
“I never thought of you as such! I came to this place to be with you!”
At my appeal, Alex-sama looked down painfully.
I didn’t want him to make such a face.
All I wanted from him was a single sentence—
“—I want to be with you forever.”
But Alex-sama shook his head.
“I heard that in Ninorks, His Excellency Knut proposed to you. He’s more capable than me. I’m sure he can make you happy.”
That wasn’t true. His Excellency Knut only did that to test my resolution…
I thought of saying that, but I couldn’t muster a single word.
Indeed, His Excellency Knut had said that I was always welcome to be his wife.
Certainly, if I were to be realistic, that could be considered an option.
Other girls might choose to abandon their lives at the remote Arkhangelks in favor of marrying a great nobleman of Ninorsk.
But I wasn’t going to make that choice.
The most important thing to me was to be with Alex-sama.
I thought Alex-sama felt the same.
However, Alex-sama said the exact opposite of what he used to say. It was as if he was obsessed with something.
Saying that the discussion was over, Alex-sama tried to leave the bedroom.
I couldn’t let him go. I took the plunge and grabbed Alex-sama’s arm.
“…Won’t you release me?”
Alex-sama tried to shake me off. Although he was gentle, we struggled. Soon, I realized that I had lost balance.
I screamed as I was thrown onto the bed.
Since I was holding on to Alex-sama, he also fell over and ended up on top of me.
Alex-sama stared at me with a blush on his face.
Coincidentally, that might be an opportunity.
I didn’t know why Alex-sama changed his mind, but I wanted him to return to his usual self.
I wondered what to say.
Then, I whispered as my cheeks grew flustered.
“…Since we’re engaged, you may do as you please?”
I thought so from the bottom of my heart.
The only person I needed was Alex-sama.
Alex-sama hesitated briefly before reaching out to me.
I was shocked when I saw his hand reach for my chest.
I was so nervous, my heart was bouncing. As I said, Alex-sama could do whatever he wanted with me.
Unlike never before, Alex-sama was anxious.
I was disturbed.
Indeed, we were engaged. I wasn’t worried at all.
In fact, I wanted it.
But Alex-sama’s hand stopped. The desperate expression he was making until that point vanished like a lie. He gently smiled at me.
“Alisa… seems scared.”
“That’s not true!”
Inwardly, I was excited.
Alex-sama shook his head.
“…I can’t do anything for you. Therefore, I’m not qualified to touch you.”
Alex-sama sounded kind.
I tried to deny it, but I couldn’t utter a word.
While it was true that I was anxious, I was more thrilled at the prospect of Alex-sama needing me.
I wanted to say that. But before I could open my mouth, Alex-sama left the bed.
“Wait, please wait!”
Towards my words, Alex-sama stopped for a moment. After briefly smiling, he left the room.
***T/N: Breeeeehhhh she did everything to stay with youuuuu
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