Because Pushing Didn't Work, I Decided to Pull Away Translation

10. An Unexpected Lie

Leaving Walt behind, Noel pulled my arm as we steadily walked. Eventually, after we had arrived at an empty hall, Noel trapped me against a wall.

Before I knew it, his hand was right next to my face. Our faces were so close, the tip of his nose almost touched mine.

“…I’m losing my mind.”

While muttering so, Noel buried his face in my stiff shoulder. His silky, silver, hair tickled my nape. He smelled amazingly good, to the point my mind went hazy.

What kind of reward was that?

My heart speeding up as it screamed.

“…When I said it doesn’t matter whether you love me or not, I was lying. I just realized that I was only trying to delude myself.”

Noel’s voice was trembling. Hearing that, I regained my senses instantly.

“I’m the one who’s to blame. I’ve taken your affection for granted. I found being spoiled by you to be pleasant. I’m the one who’s at fault. I should’ve done more for you.”

What is Lord Noel saying?

He did nothing wrong. He had never done anything unpleasant to me. I could only recall how well Noel had treating me in the past.

I’m the one at fault, here.

Because of the foolish act I did, I had caused him pain. I didn’t understand why Noel was blaming himself so much.

Eventually, he lifted his head and passionately stared at me.

“Still, I want you to smile at me again. I want you to love me once again.”

Towards such an earnest voice, I had almost cried. From the bottom of my heart, I regretted my foolishness which drove him to say such a thing.

“I’ll do my best to make you fall in love with me again. Of course, I won’t rush you. But, at the very least, please don’t smile at other guys, especially in front of me.”

I couldn’t believe Noel would say such a thing to me. At the same time, I was made aware of how much he truly loved me.

When the words, “I understand.” flowed from my mouth, Noel looked terribly relieved.

“…May I ask for one more thing?”

“What is it?”

“Can you give me another chance?”

“Another chance?”

“Yes, another chance for me to do my best, so that you’ll love me.”

“Well, do whatever you want.”

Even though I gave him such a frosty reply, he smiled and thanked me.

***

Two days later, in the middle of my room, I stood in a daze. The servants were running in a hurry.

“…Another chance for him to do his best, so that I’ll love him.”

Dahlia, who seemed to be busier than everyone else, turned to me. While holding a lot of dresses, she asked, “Did you say something?”

“No, nothing… I’m sorry.”

“If you forgot something, please say so.”

“Alright…”

I could only muster an awkward answer. I was wondering how it all had happened.

It started that morning, when the head maid awakened me.

It was supposed to be a holiday! I got up while rubbing my heavy eyelids. I felt annoyed inside.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re going to move in with Lord Noel!?”

The moment the words, ‘move in with Lord Noel.’ reached my ears, my drowsiness was blown away in an instant. I was asked why I was silent, but I myself had never heard of such a thing.

Apparently, from that day onward, I’d be staying with the family of Count Anderson.

‘Well, do whatever you want.’

I did say that to him, didn’t I?

I never thought I’d be living with him. Heck, we hadn’t even been married, yet!

My parents had given their consent. They considered me an adult, so they gave their permission. Noel had also promised to treat me well.

The feeling of remorse from yesterday, along with fear towards the ongoing restriction spell, were tremendous. However, I couldn’t hide the joy that sprang up due to the fact that I’d be living under the same roof as Noel.

***T/N:

“I’m the one who’s to blame. I’ve taken your affection for granted. I find being spoiled by you to be pleasant. I’m the one who’s at fault. I should’ve done more for you.”

This, the reason I pick up this not-so-lofty romance story boils down to this, folks. The author is aware of what they’re writing. They’re aware of the good and the bad, and don’t try to gloss over it, or shoehorn the readers into thinking that as long as it’s for the sake of love, it’s a-okay. Instead, they wrote their romance to be consisted of two people with believable, actual, flaws, and have them work through it.

The heroine and the hero are driven by their own sets of beliefs, and albeit not every single choice they’ve made are noble or good (I’m looking at you, Noel.), I can totally see where it came from. He came from a family that honors the aristocratic customs to a T, where both marriage and children are but tools to attain more prestige and fame. As someone with potentials, his path in life has already been decided by his family. A life where everything is set in stone, where all the paths predictably leads to more fame, which made him yearn for something he never experienced, something that he knew would be very difficult to attain, knowing his background—an unconditional love.

Hence why, this is how Noel became. Hence why, it was difficult for him to let go of what was ‘so close’, and was ‘supposed to already be within his reach’ after what he had done. Hence why, the way he expresses his love is dyed with selfishness, simply because he was never taught of any other way to express it. His love began with himself—with him wanting to be loved, without having to give anything in return, to him giving his everything for said love.

It certainly doesn’t make him better, but I relate to him better than male lead who instantly went like, ‘Lol, you’re omoshiroi. It’s a first for me to see someone like you, I will sacrifice my life for you, because I love you, again, for no reason at all.’ 2 days after his first meeting with the heroine.

…with that said,

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re going to move in with Lord Noel!?”

FUCKER, YOU SAID YOU WON’T RUSH HER, GIVE ME WALT BACK!!!!!!!111!

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