[Claude’s perspective]

That day— Mother fell into a sleep from which she would never awaken.

“Modaaaaaaaaaaar!”

I cried my eyes out as I clung to my deceased mother.

Even I think it was quite an impressive display of crying.  The people around me were worried about my wailing so hard. Or rather, they were kind of taken aback.  Regardless, I kept shaking Mother’s body, crying until I could barely see past my tears.

—Mother was this country’s saint.

The saint heals people with healing magic and she maintains the barrier around this country… apparently.  I said “apparently” because as a child, I didn’t really understand Mother’s duties.  Looking back on it, if I had understood even a tenth of her hardships, I might have been able to nudge fate just a bit.

“Mother!  Mother!”

I continued to call out to her, but she never replied.  Seeing her how she was, I was seized by despair.

—I am the first prince of this country.

As might be expected, I was given a thorough education necessary for the next king.  However, for me, my lessons were extremely advanced and strict.  Yes, putting it plainly, I was a poor student.

My test scores were bad, and my tutor often scolded me.  If I recalled correctly, his name was something like Sieghart.  Nothing more than a historian, yet so arrogant!  Just remembering makes me angry.  That said, I couldn’t talk back to him, and after being scolded, I would always go to Mother’s room.

“Claude — you did your best.  Mother knows full well that you’re trying your hardest.”

She’d gently pat my head with those words.  I was filled with happiness when she did.  Then, falling asleep on Mother’s lap pillow, exhausted from crying, all my anxiety and anger would vanish.

But that kind Mother is gone now.

“Lord Claude, to cry so much just because you lost your honorable mother… pathetic.”
“Just because?  What did you just say!?”
“Claude! At least try to act like a man!”

His Majesty the King— Father— roared at me.

I was forcibly lifted by the people around me, about to be taken out of the room.

“Let go!  Mother isn’t dead!  So…”
“Face reality!  The Saint is dead!”

I resisted with all my strength, but as a child, I couldn’t oppose them.  The face of my deceased mother looked terribly exhausted.

—Be more of a man!

More of a man?  What does that even mean?  Does being a man mean I’m not allowed to cry even after Mother died?  If so, then I don’t need that.  What value is there in a man who can’t even cry when he loses someone important?

I couldn’t understand what Father had said in the slightest.

Even now, it is the same.

*****

Even after Mother died, my life didn’t change.  The next Saint was appointed right away, and she became my fiancée… but I wasn’t all that interest in such a thing.  The new Saint’s name was Eliane, and she treated me strictly.

—Mother didn’t act like this.

When my dissatisfaction slipped out, Eliane’s expression didn’t change.  Instead, she spoke with a quite anger in her voice.

“Do you realize that you are the first prince of this country?  I understand that you are hurting… but those who are royalty stand about the people.  If you speak like that, the citizens will become uneasy.”

—The Eliane of the past was even more serious and strict than she is now.
— Thinking back on it now, she too may have been mentally unstable after losing her mother.

Except, I didn’t know that.  Nor did I have any intention of learning.     

—Then, one day, I attended a dance party.

That said, this was more or less an obligation as the prince.  That day, maybe because dignitaries from a neighboring country had been invited, it was even more extravagant than usual.  However, I had no one I wanted to dance with, nor was I good at dancing.  I just wanted it to hurry up and end.  Then, when I left the hall to pass the time alone…

“Uwaa!”

I bumped into someone as we passed and fell right there on the spot.  I quickly lifted my head and gave the person who bumped into me a reproachful glare.

“S-sorry! I was in a hurry and wasn’t paying attention!  Are you alright?”
He held his hand out to me with those words.

However, I—

“Shut up!”

—brushed it aside.

Then I stood up and brought my face closer to his.

“You!  How dare you be so rude!  Am I not the first prince of this country!?  The next inline of this country!?  I’ll tell Father about you, you’ll be executed immediately!”
“Ho-how scary.”

The man looked extremely troubled.

He looks to be about the same age as me…  Despite that, he carried himself with a level of composure, like an adult. 

While we were arguing (though it was rather one-sided),

“Lord Claude! What are you doing!?”
A minister came rushing over and stepped in between us.

“You came at just the right time!  This guy bumped into me.  Have him executed at once…”
“What are you saying!? This person is—”

I think the minister said a name, but I didn’t hear it.  My anger had rushed to my head.

The minister kept bowing his head over and over to the one who had bumped into me, but he said that it was his fault.  He then apologized and left.  The grace he conducted himself with made it hard to believe he was around the same age as me.

“Wh-why are you letting him go! You should tell Father and—”
“Haa… so you can’t even understand something like that.”

The minister looked at me in exasperation as he sighed.

“The prince of the neighboring country is so dignified… why is Lord Claude like this…?”

— The prince of the neighboring country.
I knew his name.  If I remember correctly, it should be Nigel.

Since long ago and at every turn, I had been compared to the prince of the neighboring country, Nigel. From what I heard, he was intelligent, had top-class swordsmanship, and on top of that, had an upright and proper character that was beloved by the people despite his young age.

On contrast, I couldn’t study and often skipped sword practice.  Hearing about him was torture.  But it can’t be helped, can it?  I’m already struggling just to handle my own affairs, yet I’m being compared to some perfect superhuman like out of a fairy tale.

Whenever I heard about Nigel, my impatience only grew, and any motivation I had was completely stripped away.  So even though I had never met him, I hated the prince of the neighboring country.

“…Kuh!”

That was why I couldn’t refute the minister’s words and turned away from him.

…Maybe, the person from earlier was Nigel.

After all, even though I was the victim, the minister kept apologizing profusely to him— the whole thing felt strange.

Nigel, quickly walking away from us, grew farther and farther away.  All I could do was simply watch that figure.

*****

Ten years had passed since then.  As always, everyone was strict with me.  Certainly, retainers of low rank treat me indulgently… but that is only flattering and fawning.  From their perspective, they could not possibly go against me.  Yet, despite it being such obviously false obedience, I immersed myself in it.  The foolish me couldn’t understand things like the feelings of others.

“…haa.”
I sighed out.  Doing so helped remove some of my fatigue.
“Somehow, this is boring.”

Compared to at the very beginning, Eliane’s personality had softened a little, but even so she was still strict with me.  There was no way, not by any means, that I could overlay the image of Mother onto her.  That was why, with the intention of venting frustration as well, I came down hard on her.

Yet Eliane was never disheartened in the slightest.  On the contrary, not once had she shown an expression of pain.  The sight of her crying was something even far more distant.  Every time I saw her, I felt an unpleasant churning in my chest.  That was why I disliked her.

“Should I try being even harsher?  But even with something like that, I can’t picture Eliane running away…”

I was passing time in a corner of the garden that had few people while having such thoughts.  It was the day of the dance party.  As could be expected, I was still bad with them.  Many beautiful women would come up and speak to me, yet no matter which woman I talked to, the unpleasant churning in my heart did not go away.

I hate them, I hate them— I hate everyone.

No, is it really other people I hate?  What I truly hate is my pathetic self—

“Your Highness Claude.”

As I was having such thoughts, a woman spoke to me.  When I turned around, I met a cute woman.  Her clothing was so revealing, it was unsuitable for this setting.  To be honest, it was a situation where I didn’t know where to rest my gaze— but for some reason, I could not take my eyes off her face.

With a slightly troubled expression, she continued.

“It seems… I have come to like you—”

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