[Eliane’s perspective]

—I had a dream from long ago.  In it I was still small.

“Mother!”
With those words, I ran to the bed my mother was lying on.

“Ara ara, running like that is dangerous.”
“It’s fiiiine!  More importantly, Mother, your complexion is better today, right?”
“Somehow, I am doing better today.  Perhaps I’ll even play with Eliane.”
“Yaay!”

I was filled with happiness when Mother stroked my head.

Mother was a person with a weak body, always laying in bed unable to even get up by herself.  Apparently, she had a serious illness. 

In order to earn money for Mother’s medicine, Father went to a distant land for work.  As we regularly received living expenses, we were able to get by… but, I had to do all the housework myself in exchange.  It was at that time that I learned to cook.

At present, my cooking repertoire may just be slightly less than that of a chef’s.

Because of this, Mother was always apologizing to me.

“I’m sorry Eliane… If I weren’t like this, I could have let you live more comfortably…”
“No, Mother, it’s fine.  I am happy being able to live together with Mother.  So, please get well soon.  Then, let’s all go on a picknic together with father, the three of us.”

I replied to her with a smile, but that alone didn’t mean I could completely hide my fatigue.  There had been many times when I almost collapsed.

But I never faltered.

Mother would become sad if I were to make an expression where I looked to be in pain.  At the very least, in front of Mother, I wanted to always be able to smile—

Having such thoughts, I lived each day happily.

Those days, however, didn’t last long.

“Mother!  Are you alright!?”
I desperately call out to her while holding her hand.  She was lying listless in bed.

“E…Eliane…”
Mother’s voice as she moved her mouth was faint.  The flame of her life seemed like it would go out at any moment.

There was a reason why Mother’s condition suddenly worsened.  Father, who had left for work, had passed away.  He had apparently been working in a coal mine, and the shaft he was working in suddenly collapsed.  Crushed by the bedrock, he became someone who would never return… is what I was told.

Inevitably, the household’s income was cut off.  Not only that, but having lost Father, Mother terribly weakened.  Before my eyes, her physical condition worsened…Unable to even call a doctor for her, she lingered at the brink of death.

“Don’t make such a sad face.”
Mother gently stroked my cheek as I shed tears.

“I… was truly happy having you with me.  So… don’t cry.  Please… forgive your mother for going away and leaving you behind…”
“Mother!  Mother!”

Then, before long, Mother’s eyes closed.  She fell into a sleep from which she would never awaken.  Sadness filled my heart in an instant.  Tears flowed— No, I mustn’t.

I firmly held back my tears and held up my head.

That’s right, I must not cry.

Otherwise, Mother would be sad.  Also, if I cry, Mother will worry about me and won’t be able to go to heaven.  That’s why, I must not cry.

—On the very day I made a grave for Mother, a summons came from the royal palace.

Strangely enough, it seemed that on the very same day Mother passed away, this country’s queen— Her Holiness the Saint— also passed away.  And at the same time, I received the divine oracle of the goddess and gained the power of the Saint.

I didn’t understand what that meant back when I was little.

The power of the Saint seemed to be tremendous, able to heal any wound.  However… I couldn’t bring Mother back to life.

As it was, I wished I hadn’t been given such power.

*****

Regardless, I had no right to refuse.  Now that it has come to this, I must keep my head up and walk forward.  I was immediately taken to the royal palace, and I ended up being made to work relentlessly as the Saint.

At that time, I made up my mind.
From now on, I will work myself ragged for the sake of making people happy…

It might have been then that I began to make a point of speaking politely to everyone.

Life as the Saint was extremely harsh and difficult.  At times, I even felt like crying.  But I never falter.  I decided that I wouldn’t.  So I wouldn’t make Mother sad, so that I wouldn’t make her worry either, I decided to keep my head up.

The one introduced to me as my fiancé was Prince Claude.  From my perspective, he had a selfish and lazy personality.  He often skipped out on studying and showed signs of wanting to go on dates with me.  During those times, I always, without fail—

“That will not do, Your Highness the Prince.  You shall be the next king.  You must not be speaking words of weakness in a place like this.”

—admonished him.

Claude would look very dissatisfied with what I said.  However, it couldn’t be helped.  That was the duty of His Highness the Prince.  Thinking about it now, my words were a bit strict— but perhaps at that time I was mentally worn down.

I quickly realized that Claude did not hold any affection for me.  Even so, I did not mind.

From here on, I will probably never live the life of an ordinary girl.  Shopping in town, chatting idly with friends about trivial matters, or exchanging words of love with someone I like are beyond me.

I was no longer an ordinary girl.  But that was fine.  After all, if I keep working hard like this, Mother in heaven will surely be happy.  That was why, no matter how painful things became, I continued to hold my head up.

*****

…One day.

“Oh?”
On my way to the castle rooftop to offer prayers and work to maintain the barrier as always, I came across a man and a woman facing each other on a balcony.

The man seemed to be a soldier of the castle.  The woman, judging from her clothes, might have been a maid.

The man turned toward the town and shouted.

“I loooove youuuuuuuuuuuu!”

…He was loud.

It was a rather strange sight at first glance.  But the woman was deeply moved.  Her eyes were brimming with tears.

“I love you too!”
“Re-really?  Then…”
“Yes— I’ll be in your care!”

The two embraced, shedding tears of joy.

Could it be that the man was proposing to the woman?  And I just happened to be passing by at that moment…

“…How nice.”

Ahh!
My voice slipped out with realizing it!

But… why?

I should had given up on happiness as a woman.  Even witnessing a scene like that, I should feel nothing.  Yet, honestly, I found myself having such thoughts.

The man, without caring about anyone seeing him, shouted his love for her loudly.  The woman, on the other hand, was so happy as she accepted it that she cried.

“…If it were Claude and me, this would absolutely be impossible.”
Muttering that, I suddenly felt lonely.

…Must not.

I… must not cry.

I had to stop holding expectations.  Holding them will only make everything painful.

I quickly left the place.

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