Translation You Must not Die

7: No One to Hate

After entrusting the church’s renovation to the able-bodied men of my territory, I had a soup kitchen established.

It was costly, and even though I had just received my bounty, it didn’t mean I could just splurge.

“Your Excellency, what is this excessive amount of wheat for?”

To repair the church, I picked Yang—a man skilled at carpentry—to be the leader.

As checked for any problems, Yang stared at me with interest.

“To make money.”

“…Doesn’t sound very ladylike.” Yang gushed.

Certainly.

Nobles considered it a virtue not to work, since it was an act reserved for lowly peasants. 

…Yet, the food, clothing, and shelter of the nobility was financed by the taxes of those very lowly peasants.

How shameless.

“There are many places that need to be repaired. I don’t believe any of you will be able to pay taxes for the time being. Worse, there might be some unable to even earn money to live.”

“…And the wheat will supposedly fix that?”

“When I served in the army, I met various mercenaries. They traveled across various countries before coming to this one. Thanks to them, I learned a lot. Though, I’m sure this money-making scheme will soon become redundant and obsolete. Still, it’ll buy time until I can think of a new business opportunity.”

As I spoke about my memories, Yang made a bitter expression. Perhaps, he pitied this noble daughter, who was raised in a loving and protective upbringing, yet had to take up the sword.

While I indeed went through a lot, it wasn’t that big of a deal, so there was no need for him to be concerned.

Besides, it wasn’t just me. Many lost their homes, families, and friends to the war. Although the pain we experienced was different, the wounds we bore were the same.

So don’t worry about me.

I wanted him to put himself first.

“Do you hate me?”

Huh? What is he talking about?

“I have no one to hate. The war was waged by Paides, while Elda was merely defending itself. To sit idly and do nothing was not an option.”

“I know, but…”

If there was someone Yang and the others should blame, it’d rightfully be the country that started the war, not Elda, that country along with us nobles who failed them.

At the same time, there was no one to hate me who fought for the sake of the country.

“Hatred shouldn’t be passed onto the next generation. Neither should this tragedy repeat itself.”

Yang shut his mouth and clenched his fist. Anger and hatred seemed to boil inside him.

Even if he pretended to be fine, he probably had a scar, too.

No one was without scars. Whether it was friend or foe, they were afflicted by scars—such was war.

“You should be the most aware of the fear of being massacred for no reason and the despair of being robbed of the tomorrow that we had taken for granted, having experienced it first-hand. Hence, all the more reason to end this with our generation.”

“I-I know…”

Thinking that I shouldn’t watch a grown man cry, I averted my gaze.

Instead, I looked at the dilapidated building.

What is the purpose of the war? Why did so many have to lose their lives?

“I have no one to hate. The war was waged by Paides, while Elda was merely defending itself.”

I know.

“Hatred shouldn’t be passed onto the next generation.”

I know that.

—Then why do I see the faces of my dead comrades?

“In this hell hole, I at least pray for your survival. Hopefully, after this war, you’ll get to experience what it’s like to live in a peaceful country…”

Captain, I shouldn’t have survived.

You should’ve taken me with you.

There was no place or person to which I could return.

Even though the war ended, even though peace had returned to the land, the deceased wouldn’t return. 

—They’ll never come back.

So how was I supposed to live?


***T/N: *muffled sobbings*

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