4. Survivor’s Guilt
“…Captain.”
My captain had gone through many battlefields and survived.
But apparently, she wasn’t invincible.
—In our hideout, which went up in flames, I vaguely thought that.
“…My eyes. I can’t see anything.”
“Ugh…”
“Someone, help…”
“…Mother.”
Moans and screams filled the air, along with the odor of gunpowder and blood.
At night, several bombs were dropped into the hideout. Unbeknownst to us, the enemy had discovered our location.
When the captain told us to get down, it was too late—
—because almost at the same time, the bombs exploded.
Along with the explosion, the captain rushed over to me.
In the end, I was the only one who survived.
◇◇◇
The line had been breached.
The surviving members all joined different units and left for the next battlefield. Yes, the war didn’t end just because of that.
How long will this war continue for?
With that thought in mind, I ran through the battlefield, and before I knew it, I was eighteen.
A decade had passed since the start of the war—and just like that, it ended. Instead of a victory or a defeat, there was a declaration of truce.
After a long absence, I finally returned to my hometown.
“…Why?”
My house was no longer there.
In its place, a pile of rubble. My territory had become a desecrated, burnt land. Many houses had been burned down.
At my feet was a doll. Perhaps it belonged to a commoner’s child. It fell apart at my touch.
—I never wrote them a single letter.
After all, I could have died at any time. It’d have been cruel to let them know that I was suffering. It’d have also been cruel to give them false hope.
Besides, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. If I had interacted with my family again, I thought that I’d curse this world. I thought that my determination would waver, and that I’d start to fear death.
At the same time, news of my hometown failed to reach me as I went to various battlefields. In addition to that, the battlefield where I was drafted was quite far from my hometown.
Hence why I never dreamed that my hometown would perish in the flames of war.
“…Father, Mother, Alice.”
—Where are you?
You can’t be dead. I should’ve been the one who died.
I went to the battlefield solely so none of you would die.
“…Oh, right, they might be at my aunt’s place. I’m sure that’s where they are.”
I rode a horse to my aunt’s residence.
“Iris, you’re still alive…! Thank God…!”
With tears in her eyes, my aunt pulled me into a hug—
—but right now, I couldn’t afford to bask in the joyful reunion.
“My mother, my father, and my sister, where are they? The mansion is no more, and the territory was burned down…”
“Iris, you poor child…”
“They’re still alive, right? Please, please tell me that they are. Where did they go?”
—Stop, don’t look at me like that.
No, it can’t be.
Hurry up.
Quickly, deny it—!
“—Iris, actually…”
“Please, let me see them…!”
“Iris…”
“They’re still alive, right!? They have to!”
“…They’re gone.”
“Eric, what’s wrong with you? There were better ways to phrase it…”
Before I knew it, my cousin—Eric, was there. When he saw me, he quickly averted his gaze. His expression was somber.
“Even so, it’s the truth. Be it the Count of Lowenberg, or Alice—they’re all dead. Their house was hit by artillery fire and they were trapped under the debris.”
“…What are you saying? No, this isn’t right…”
—Then, everything became black.
I may have heard my aunt’s panicked voice, but it no longer mattered.
The next time I woke up, I saw an unfamiliar ceiling.
As soon as she saw my face, the maid left the room to fetch my aunt.
“Madam, Lady Iris has awoken.”
My aunt said many times, “What a relief…”
What is there to be relieved about?
—I looked behind them, but there was no one there.
“Aunt, where are my mother and the others? Why aren’t they here?”
At my question, my aunt burst into tears. Thus, I stared at Eric, hoping for an answer, but he just looked away. He didn’t answer me this time.
“Even so, it’s the truth. Be it the Count of Lowenberg, or Alice—they’re all dead. Their house was hit by artillery fire and they were trapped under the debris.”
“…So, it wasn’t a dream.”
***T/N: GOD!!!! WHERE’S THE REWOUND SYSTEM!!?!? THE REGRESSSION?!1/1 THE REINCARNATION SYSTEM!?!??! WHEREEE IS ITTTT
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