Because Pushing Didn't Work, I Decided to Pull Away Translation

4. If I Can’t Push

“…What should I do?”

Less than half a year left remained until graduation.

Inside the empty classroom, I sighed alone. Within my hand was a piece of paper—a career survey.

“Are you anxious?”

“…O, oh! Lord Noel! I love you!”

“It’s unusual for you to be so down.”

Noel had appeared at my side before I knew it. I was so surprised, my heart almost jumped out of my mouth. It was even more shocking because I never expected him to be there.

Towards my confession, which reflexively spilled from my mouth, he didn’t say anything. Perhaps because he was tired of hearing it. He was staring at the blank questionnaire I had.

“…I was thinking about the future.”

“The future? Usually, wouldn’t a lady like you get married?”

“I’m quite reluctant to think about marriage…”

Like my sister and older brothers, I grew up thinking that one day I’d marry a partner decided by my parents.

Fortunately, because I was the youngest child, I was free to do whatever I want with my life.

…However, there was no way anyone would marry someone who gushed about Noel every day like me. They might find me freaky.

That was why—I planned to etch the memories I had with Noel into my heart, find a job, and live a peaceful life of solitude. Although, I had a feeling that it wouldn’t be as ideal as I imagined.

Only about 30% of the kingdom’s population had magic. It was said that as long as I graduated from the academy, I wouldn’t have any problems in finding employment. However, I couldn’t find a job I wanted to do and was worried.

“Why are you reluctant to get married?”

“Because I don’t think I can fall in love with anyone other than Lord Noel.”

When I said that as a matter of fact, his amethyst eyes widened. I was a little embarrassed—I never expected his reaction to be so extreme. I always thought he was getting fed-up by my daily confessions.

“…Do you truly mean it?”

“Yes, in this life, Lord Noel is my one and only.”

Only then did I realize—I had said something that was too heavy.

Noel would be marrying a lovely noble lady from an influential family in the future. Being told that I’d love him for the rest of my life must have been a bother to him. It was when I was in a hurry to rephrase my words—

“—I understand.”


What on earth did you ‘understand’?

Noel smiled gently at me. Meanwhile, I was still befuddled.

With his fingers, he took my long, pink, hair and gently kissed it. His movement was both natural and elegant—it looked like a sacred ritual.

“I will never forget that.”

…Afterwards, my head blanked. I didn’t even remember how I got home.

The next day, I excitedly went to school, fully anticipating to meet Noel again. That was when I found out—he had decided to become a knight and wouldn’t be attending the academy anymore.


Then, three years passed.

At the age of 21, I worked at a national research institute. As a water mage, I was busy with helping perform research on water and also doing clerical work.

Even so, I sometimes had the opportunity to go out and socialize with the social circle. Those were also valuable opportunities for me to meet Noel who had become a knight.

“Lord Noel, it’s been a long time! How are you?”

“Yes, it has. Thank you. Sherry, you look well today.”

“It’s all thanks to meeting Lord Noel! I love you!”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

When I participated in a grand evening party that day, I found Noel at the venue. At a glance, I rushed over and called out to him. He treated me as kindly as he used to.

Compared to when Noel was a student, he was taller. His body looked sturdy and was also toned. Somehow, Noel had managed to become even more handsome. His popularity in the social circle was tremendous, and it was a miracle that he even gave me the time of the day.

Recently, I heard that Noel had performed a major contribution, and would become the division leader next month. While I was happy that he was active, I felt that he was inching further away, making me feel a bit lonely.

“By the way, I heard that you’ll be the division leader, soon. Congratulations, you’re truly amazing!”

“Thank you. Actually, I was about to discuss that with you—”

“Lord Noel!”

When I turned my eyes to the sweet voice that interrupted Noel’s words, I saw a pretty woman, who seemed like a small animal, approaching us.

“…Lady Marian.”

“I’ve already told you to refer to me as Marie!”

The pretty woman puffed her cheeks. She was the daughter of a marquis. Not only that, she was also rumored to be intimate with Noel.

Both her family and appearance were good. Moreover, Marian was also a fire mage, just like Noel. Most people would agree that they made a perfect couple.

…Just seeing them together already pained my chest.

“See you again, Lord Noel.”

As soon as I finished bowing, I left the place. My chest hurt. Then, while I was speeding up, I was grabbed by the shoulder.

“Sherry, where are you going in such a hurry?”

I finally stopped.


“Oh no, you look terrible—well, it’s probably because of Lord Noel, as usual.”

It seemed that my friend, whom was as merciless as ever, was also participating in the evening party. After graduating, I had contacted Claris from time to time for tea and the occasional dinner.

“It’s been six years, now, how are you not tired of him? Why don’t you just move on?”

“I can’t, it’s absolutely impossible.”

“You’re pretty weird, but you’re a nice and kind girl. Therefore, I pray for your happiness.”


There was a rude part, but Claris’ words squeezed my chest. She had always wished for my happiness.

“D, despite that, I still love Lord Noel.”

“…Hey, Sherry, do you want Lord Noel to reciprocate your feelings?”


I’d be lying if I were to say I had never imagined a future with him.

Even so, I knew it was but a pipe dream. Even after more than six years, all we ever did was talk. Nothing had changed from the past.

That was why, I didn’t want to get hurt by harboring such a hope. That was why, I always told myself that I was satisfied with merely looking at him.

“…I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“What I’m saying is, we don’t know yet. Do your absolute best, and if it still fails, then you may give up.”

“But, I wonder…”

I had confessed to him countless times. It was just me wanting to express the overflowing feelings from the bottom of my heart—a way of venting my frustration. However, never once had I thought of taking any action to get him to love me.

“In a book I read the other day, the technique called ‘Push and Pull’ is written. It seems to be quite effective. Sherry is definitely pushing too much, so why don’t you try pulling away once in a while? It might yield results…”

“I, I see, if I can’t push, then try pulling away…”

There was no such thing in my dictionary. My eyes gleamed.

If I couldn’t push, I might as well pull away. I mulled those words over and over again. I wanted to try it, even though I was sure it wouldn’t work anyway.

“Sherry, you only live once.”

Pushed by her words, before I noticed it, I had asked for the title of the book.

***T/N: Lmao how does our heroine remains “pure” in term of romance after all those years!? Yo, ln shoujo heroine, tell me yo secrets!!!!!

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