My Husband Despises me to the Point He Wants to Kill Me Translation

1.2 My Husband Despises me to the Point He Wants to Kill Me

That night, when my father informed me about my marriage with Jerd, I silently nodded.

Ever since that day, my mother had been crying. Because my mother was weeping, I couldn’t cry, and instead tried to comfort her. My younger brother wouldn’t cease blaming my older brother, therefore, there was really no need for me to follow suit and also blame him.

After the incident, His Highness the Crown Prince lost his right to inherit the throne, and was dropped to the rank of a duke. His entourage, including my brother, whom were easily deluded by Doris’ sweet words, were also discarded and humiliated.

Bennio was no exception. He had become a commoner because he was disowned by the Earl. However, that was also a story that didn’t have anything to do with me anymore.

Then, one month later, the wedding day arrived. At the wedding, I was dressed in a dark gray dress unsuitable for a wedding. My father and I rode in a horse-drawn carriage to the church in the royal capital. My mother and younger brother refused to attend because it was too unbearable. Also, my older brother, whom had been reduced into a disgraced knight, someone who will only serve commoners, lost the right to attend.

After my father informed me about the wedding, I hadn’t had a chance to meet Jerd.

That was why, today—on my wedding day—I would meeting Jerd for the first time.

I planned to apologize for what my brother did to him once we met.

However, in reality, it wasn’t that easy of a task to apologize, especially when Jerd stood right in front of me.

There was emptiness within his right sleeve. When Jerd walked, he swayed unreliably with each step he took. The fingernails on his left hand were barely visible… it seemed that every single one had been removed. Extending from his cheek to his chin was a burn mark—perhaps, that was the same area where a hot iron rod had been pressed.

I couldn’t bear seeing any of it—I wondered how painful it must be—it must be very painful…

Jerd was the third son of the Viscount of Lindegord, but no one from the viscount family was in attendance. Be it a marriage between aristocrats, it was in truth a very lonely ceremony.

Jerd said nothing. I couldn’t find a word to say to him, either.

Jerd signed the marriage certificate with his left hand, as per the Priest’s request. Due to his poor writing, which was akin to a child’s, I realized he had lost his dominant arm. I signed next to his name. Perhaps because I was trembling due to the tension, unflattering letters were lined up next to Jerd’s name. They seemed to attest that it wouldn’t be a happy marriage.

The wedding ceremony ended with no vows, or kisses, probably due to the solemn atmosphere.

“You are now husband and wife. I bless you from the bottom of my heart. Lady Brit had her previous engagement annulled, therefore, she must be receiving this marriage in joy. Albeit Jerd’s body has been reduced to its current state, he has acquired a lovely wife and also a title, such a joyous occasion this is!”

It was Duke Carneus who approached while saying such a thing with a large smile. As a congratulatory to the wedding, it wasn’t that strange—but my father seemed as if he had chewed something bitter.

“Duke, I thank you for your consideration.”

Jerd thanked him with closed eyes, as if he wasn’t in the slightest bit happy.

“You’re my daughter’s benefactor, this is only a cheap price to pay. No matter how you treat her, the bride won’t complain—doesn’t that sound wonderful?”

As he raised the corners of his mouth, the duke turned to me.

“Duke Carneus, thank you for attending.”

As our eyes met, I thanked him—

“—well, it’s also because it’s very unlikely that I will attend my own daughter’s wedding.”

The duke left the church without looking back and disappeared.

Instead of returning home, we went to the territory of Viscount Farnbarry—one of the territories managed by my father. A maid and a servant accompanied us. There were also two escorts. In the mansion of the territory, there were also servants whom were hired locally, and a deputy commissioned to manage them.

“Won’t you ride inside the carriage?”

Just like our escorts, Jerd drew a horse, therefore I asked.

“Knights also fight on horseback with swords and spears. I can singlehandedly control a horse, even with a left hand.”

Responding a little uncomfortably, Jerd dexterously straddled the horse and raced it. His right sleeve swayed in the wind.

We arrived at the territory four days later. On the way, we stayed at an inn in the town. But for some reason, Jerd stayed in the same room as the escorts and I the same room as the maid. Even though we got marriage, the short journey ended with little to no words exchanged with Jerd.

Entering the lord’s residence in the territory, I exchanged greetings with the deputy officials and servants. I asked my father’s cousin, a lieutenant, to assist me in managing the state of the land, and decided to survey the territory together with Jerd.

That night, Jerd came to my bedroom. Since we were a married couple, it was bound to happen.

I didn’t know whether or not he would be gentle towards me, but I didn’t think he would treat me harshly. I kept telling myself that to stop trembling.

“Whenever I am near you, I can’t stay calm. Therefore, I will not step foot in this room anymore. When you die, I will return this territory back to Knight Leader.”

The one-sided conversation ended as Jerd left the room, leaving me shivering.

‘When I die’? So Jerd truly intends to kill me?

When I shook my head to do away with the encroaching fear, I could see my red hair swaying. My hair was of the same color as my brother. No wonder he would lose composure whenever he saw me. After all, my features resembled my brother, whom had tortured him so.

I recalled the words the Duke of Carneus had spoken to my father.

“The only way for me to return home is when I become a corpse…”

I grew terrified.

My mother and younger brother would surely cry when that happened—therefore I must comfort them…

…but then I realized, once I was dead, I wouldn’t be able to comfort them anymore. Thus, I laughed.

Perhaps because I had run out of fear, I kept laughing tearfully that night.

Apparently, I fell asleep before I knew it.

I woke up due to high-pitched noises which echoed many times. Bright sunlight was shining through the window—it seemed that the morning had fully arrived.

When I was worried about the sound and looked through the window, Jerd was sparring with one of the guards. It seemed to be a mere practice since his opponent was smiling.

Despite holding a sword with his left hand, the combatants seemed to be equal. As expected of a guard knight.

I heard Jerd was a very strong knight—and it was my foolish older brother who took away his right arm.

The opponent struck from the right, causing Jerd to drop his sword. Although the practice sword had been knocked down, there seemed to no injury on his person.

For some reason, I felt frustrated. If he still possessed his right arm, then surely, he would be undefeatable.

Still, Jerd picked up his sword and sparred with a different man.

Jerd, whom was no longer a knight, but a lord, seemed to have no intention on giving up his sword.

While listening to the clanking of the swords, I decided to embroider.

A knight was always entangled with danger. Being the wife of a man with such a profession, there existed a custom to embroider on a handkerchief, and later presenting it to the husband as a prayer for his safety. My mother had given me a handkerchief embroidered with a tiger. Despite Jerd no longer being a knight, and that my present might be uncalled-for, I still wanted to embroider.

I often would choose brave beasts and birds of prey, such as tigers, lions, and hawks—but this time, I decided to embroider a dragon.

Of course, dragons were but imaginary creatures—they weren’t real. Almost all the dragons that appeared in the tales were evil. They were destined to meet their demise at the hand of a hero who had procured a sacred sword—

—but some dragons were kind.

The one-armed Holy Dragon whom had saved the princess was one such good dragons.

“The mighty Black Dragon fell in love with the princess of a small kingdom. But the princess was frail, and soon would become ephemeral. Lamenting that, the Black Dragon tore off his forefoot and gave it to the princess. The blood, nails, and scales of dragons were special remedies for all diseases. Thanks to the dragon, the princess was now well. The black dragon became the sacred dragon who protected the kingdom, and the kingdom prospered greatly.”

Even though it was only a fairy tale, I thought it suited the black-haired Jerd very well, for he had protected Cecilia in exchange of his own arm.

If Jerd had instead yielded to the torture and testified that it was indeed Cecilia who ordered him to sexually assault Doris, Cecilia might had been executed during the absence of Duke Carneus.

If such a thing had happened, surely, my own life wouldn’t have been enough to appease the Duke’s wrath. I was sure he would have instead massacre my entire family.

Be it my father, my mother, and my brothers—they were all safe because Jerd endured the torture.

So, what was I so afraid of? Jerd was our benefactor.

To offer this life of mine and let him do as he saw fit—that was only the natural course of action.

If it was Jerd, then surely, he would grant me a painless death.

Until then, without fail, I shall pray for his safety and do my best to embroider for him.


“The mighty Black Dragon fell in love with the princess of a small kingdom. But the princess was frail, and soon would become ephemeral. Lamenting that, the Black Dragon tore off his forefoot and gave it to the princess. The blood, nails, and scales of dragons were special remedies for all diseases. Thanks to the dragon, the princess was now well. The black dragon became the sacred dragon who protected the kingdom, and the kingdom prospered greatly.”


For causing that to my husband, Jerd, I just want to pluck Brit’s older brother’s hair one by one and then tear off his scalp… As for the other dunces, serve them right…

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