49. Red Eye
I could still hear them—
—those unpleasant voices; those voices I desperately shut off—the voices of those who entered my sight—
—the hearts of others.
Anger, envy, resentment, and lastly, hatred.
The castle swirled with those negative emotions. All its inhabitants were twisted, vile—ugliness was deeply rooted in them.
I trusted no one, since they were fake—including those that pledged allegiance to my father.
They were all people who strived for their own goals, leaving destruction in their wakes.
They were all people who stole and broke other people’s important things.
The castle was such a place—it was a place where only the strong could survive. The weak were beaten and would be driven out.
If you weren’t strong, you couldn’t survive.
Even if you had a strong shield, or brawns—neither alone could ensure your survival there.
A warm breeze stroked my cheeks.
I left the room as usual and visited the garden behind the empty castle. There, beautiful white lilies bloomed—those alone would heal my heart.
This was the only place I could be myself—since there was nobody else. The only place I could unleash my true feelings.
“—I HATE THEM ALL—!!!!”
Be it my mother, the butlers, the dukes, the ladies, the maids—everyone!
I sat down on the bed of flower and cried alone.
I had no one by my side. Here, I was all alone. Because no one would ever look at me—
—they were afraid of my red eye; while I was scared of reading their hearts.
After all, even my own mother—who gave birth to me—shunned me because she feared me.
I remembered that decisive event—
—it happened that day, when I was just three years old. My mother’s silver brooch went missing.
The silver brooch she had received from my father before they were married. Mother made a fuss and had the servants search the entire castle—still, it couldn’t be found.
Only I was confused throughout it all—after all, I surely heard one of the servant admitting, “I have the brooch.”—
—then what was everyone else was fussing about? Why couldn’t they find it?
I decided to tell them.
—I still couldn’t forget the face of that servant from that day;
When I pointed my finger at her, her face immediately loss all color—before being dyed by fear and awe.
That was when I finally realized it—
—only I could heard those voices. The voice of the heart that only I could listen to. It was all because of my red eye.
The next day, the maid was beheaded.
My mother was crying, since the dead maid was her favorite. It all happened because of a single brooch.
In her grievance, she blamed me—said I murdered the maid.
Her sorrowful voice was still ringing in the back of my head until now.
Four years had passed since then. Ever since that incident, my mother avoided me. To be more accurate, it was making eye-contact with me that she feared.
The same was true for all the servants. They woke up early in the morning, prepared meals, taught me manners, even riding and sword training—however, they never met my face. They never looked me in the eyes.
Only my father was different. When we talked, he would stare at me in the eye. However, my mother was more important to him, so we didn’t see each other much.
Now, my red right eye was concealed by magic, and was purple at glance. However, without said magic, it would still be the same blood red.
—why was I born with such an eye?
Why could I read people’s hearts?
I didn’t want to listen to them, I didn’t want to know—so why?
“Why… was I born?”
I made my mother unhappy. My mother no longer laughed because of me. If only I wasn’t here… If only I wasn’t born…
Aaah, who was it? Who taught me about the theory of kindness? Who said people had good hearts at birth?
I was repulsed by others, I had no choice but to isolate myself here. I didn’t believe in love—there was no way I could. I wasn’t even sure I could love my own self.
In fact, I really hated myself—this pathetic, naïve self…
…if only I could disappear.
I wanted to disappear, I wanted to just disappear—
—after all, nobody needed me, nobody loved me— not even my own self—
—everyday, I had to escape reality by dreaming.
Even in said dream, I was alone. I was always alone. I only had myself to talk to.
But, I had no choice. That was the only way for me to stay alive. Otherwise, I would break. I would go crazy if I didn’t have a single conversation for days.
Be it those who approached me for the sole purpose of flirting, or for their own gains—they thought that by just avoiding direct eye contact with me, everything would be fine.
I could hear everything. I could hear everyone’s voices. The voices of those cowardly vile, hearts who were afraid of me and were just trying to use me—
—they can all just disappear.
I wanted them all to disappear.
“Everything in this world, including myself—it would be better if darkness engulfs them all… and swallows everything, into nothingness…”
The dream me asked me.
“—is that really okay? Are you really happy with that?”
The dream me smiled.
“—I know your true wish. I can hear it—the cry of your heart.”
At the end of the desolate garden, was a dark tunnel. Inside it, was an infinite corridor.
That was the place I was currently at.
It was said that a monster lived there—
—a lonely monster that appeared in the picture book my mother read for me so long ago, I couldn’t remember clearly.
The monster that lived there smiled at me with a lonely expression.
The monster only smiled at me.
Its eyes were gentle, but also filled with deep sorrow.
“Arthur, I’m here. I’ll stay with you for all time. No matter what, I’m on your side. So don’t make such a face.”
In my dream, the monster laughed.
“After all, I’m here.”
It kept repeating the same line, over and over. Sweetly, stubbornly—without any intentions of freeing my heart, which was already within its grasp.
“Never forget that—I’m here. I’ll always be with you, I… promise…”
The monster who gently stroked my cheeks, its eyes never strayed away from my own. Only he wasn’t scared of my red eye.
Whether or not it was a dream, I kept going to him.
“I love you, Arthur.”
Because only he gave me the words I wanted to hear. Only him, only in my dreams.
“I’ll be your power—your power is that of a King—a majestic power only you can handle.”
In front of me, his red eye glowed mysteriously—then, he whispered;
“Arthur, I’ll lend you my power. I’ll help you. I’ll destroy all your enemies—all you have to do, is take my hand.”
He extended his pale hand gently. I thought that it seemed creepy, like that of a corpse. However, I strangely wasn’t repulsed at the sight.
The only thing that filled my mind was—
—now, everything would be a lot easier.
When I realized it, I was already taking that hand. That exact moment, a hard to describe feeling crept into my heart—
—an uplifting feeling.
Then, I was pulled by him out of the corridor—through the dark and long tunnel, we finally woke up.
When I opened my eyes again, it was the usual backyard. Lilies bloomed all around. They were beautiful—befitting their poisonous trait, they spread like toxin.
I reached out to the beautiful lilies in full bloom. A sweet and fragrant smell filled my nostrils—
—it was a toxic flower that messed with people’s hearts.
“You’re indeed beautiful—however…”
A pure, white, petal fell on top of my palm.
“If you stand out too much, you’ll be plucked out.”
Once I whispered that, I closed my palm—then clenched it, tightly.
The white petal fell from my hand—seemingly lonely, seemingly sad—
—that was the day before my seventh birthday.
Ever since then, I never went to the backyard again.
this guy is so emo i can’t.