3.2 Until the Day I Lose Her—bottom part of memoirs~
“If it’s about researching, you can be wholehearted about it. Then how come you are such an ice block when it’s about the feelings of others? You didn’t, you never even tried to understand her feelings, her heart. The two of you should never have gotten together to begin with, you don’t deserve to be with her.
“My sister is more perceptive to people’s heart than anyone else.
“Still, to maintain her aristocratic image, she never laid bare her true emotions on the table.
“I feel sorry for you, Duke—I’m saying this in the place of my slumbering sister. Please also forgive how rude I was just now.”
From that day onward, after flinging those words laden with sarcasm, never again did Liliana spare a glance toward me—as though I’m an inexistent being.
Exactly three days after that incident, in the evening—
—a small tinge of movement shook her eyelids.
Once she heard that word uttered from my mouth, she peered at my face with still-dazed eyes. It was the expression of someone who hadn’t fully awakened from her dream.
..This time, this time she isn’t crying!
“I’m so glad…”
For a brief moment, I wondered from which reason did the relief that just washed upon me originated.
“Such a terrible incident happened… I’m glad you’ve recovered and now are here with me again.”
Almost instantly, I clutched her hand in mine in spite of myself.
Immediately, fear came upon me—
—she may not forgive me.
At that time, at that moment when the occurrence happened, I prioritized satiating the inquiry of my mind; that was, seeing the full impact of calling her Maria after so long in all of it’s grandeur.
Even though your life was in danger.
Even though you were reaching out for me—
—and yet, I deflected my eyes.
The thing that resides in you. The thing called ‘heart’—I’ve completely forgotten of it’s existence.
I did not think of your heart.
“Your forehead is warm with the traces of fever. I shall arrange for a doctor to come right away.”
I didn’t even give her a chance to utter a single word as I instructed the nearby maid in a haste.
“Forgive me—! I truly regret my decision to leave you by yourself in the middle of that chaotic uproar—! Anything that bothers you right now, anything that you need right at this current moment—anything; you can tell me and I shall take care of it for you. What are your wants, Anne Marie?”
The only response Anne Marie gave me other than her blank expression, was a scratch to her head out of nervousness. At that, I also became puzzled.
“Um… nothing at the moment—more importantly, aren’t you being cruel to me? Don’t tell me that as my dear husband, you have forgotten my—your own wife’s name?”
I had expected a flurry of verbal abuses. Thus I had prepared myself mentally.
Not even in the slightest moment had I anticipated this kind of response instead—
“—I understand it, I understand how greatly you treasured your childhood friend, Anne Marie, and how great your pain was at her passing—but if this is a joke, isn’t it in bad taste? Aren’t I ‘Maria’? I really miss the way it sounds when you speak my name, My Husband—so quick, quickly call me by my name; …Maria.”
She innocently, with glittering eyes, pleaded me for that.
Both my breathing and my heart almost stopped completely.
The doctor immediately did an examination on her, feeling the sense of emergency in the air.
A lot of questions were inquired of her—basic questions relating to her own identity; and yet, she couldn’t answer more than half of them.
She had suffered from amnesia, but more than that, she had confused herself as Maria.
Unlike her, my own memories were intact.
Thus, I also grasped the reason for why she thought of herself as that.
…So, does this mean, I’m not even allowed to apologize?
Liliana and her brother entered the room right after the doctor left.
Liliana frequently visited Anne Marie, unlike Raymond whom had much business to oversee. For his once upon an occasion visit, he was quite fortunate this time. His younger sister had just opened her eyes after a long slumber.
At the sight of her brother and her sister, Anne Marie become overjoyed.
So she can still recall them…
No words could convey how relieved that made me. I had a discussion with the doctor about her just a moment ago and the look of trepidation that strained his expression told me everything. He hadn’t even needed to speak a word.
“Anne, look at what I’ve brought for today’s visit! A bouquet of fresh gerberas! Don’t you just love it?”
“But, Sis, haven’t I told you since long ago that I prefer roses over gerbera?”
Earlier, after being questioned by the doctor, she had certainly said that.
And now, in front of her brother and sister, she had claimed the same thing.
Liliana’s and Raymond’s complexion turned ashen almost at the same time.
Neither believing nor giving up upon their youngest sibling, they tried to confirm a few more things with her; such as her favorite color, cake, dress, etc.
Ultimately, that line of questioning came into an abrupt halt the moment Anne Marie asked a single question. Her tone was incredulous and hinted of annoyance:
“My name is Maria. Have you all forgotten?”
That very same moment, my sin was unveiled.
Although Raymond was the first to regain his composure, I know that deep within him, the seething rage he felt was much of greater scale than the still-fuming Liliana.
“I can’t leave Anne here, and even more so with you. …I’m taking her home.”
Albeit looking unsure and full of unanswered question, Anne Marie nodded obediently. She, as his sister, should’ve known more than anyone, the true extend of her brother’s wrath when provoked. But—
—but then, what about me…?
W, wait, please wait—!
Telling her the proper word of apology; seeking her forgiveness as an absolvement to all my sin—I haven’t achieved any of that yet—!!!
In my desperation, I had forgotten about Raymond. Thus, in reply, I received his full wrath;
“This is all your accursed fault—!!!”
“Because of your mistreatment toward her—“
“Because you made her become a substitute for your Maria—“
“—Shame on you!!!”
I never intended to do that.
I just did what was required of me as a proper fiance, and that was giving my fiancee a present!
To me, she had always been Anne Marie. I’ve never thought of her as Maria. Not even once.
Nevertheless, the fact didn’t change that I’m such a pathetic, shameless human being.
None of my words would stand a chance against the glaring truth that was Raymond’s statement. I was heavily aware of that. Thus, I was left with no choice but to go to visit Anne in her house some time after that.
Two weeks from then.
Every day, without a single fail, I went to her residence.
Raymond never let me see her and forced me to get divorced every time instead.
“I don’t have a sliver of intention of letting you meet Anne.”
Contrary to that statement, the one finally letting me to meet Anne, was instead, her father—Count Brent.
“I hereby gave my utmost gratitude for this opportunity you had bestowed upon me.”
“’Opportunity’…? Can I ask what you might be referring to…?”
I suppressed my boiling desire to finally gaze upon Anne Marie, because properly greeting the Count was of an utmost priority.
Count Brent looked composed, and as if nothing unusual had happened, he answered with a casual tone, and a smile, even.
“I don’t recall giving you anything in that regard. Did you remember wrong?”
It was then when I realized it. And I should have, sooner;
The Count’s eyes weren’t smiling at all.
“Is this some kind of mischief that you had planned? Or an extension of your untoward behavior, perhaps? Either way, can you please stop it? Your act of visiting this household every single day is becoming more and more of a nuisance.
“If only your intention of coming here was to hand my daughter a quick divorce and finally end any kind of involvement she could have with someone like you… then myself and this entire household shall welcome you with wide open arms.
“I shall let you see my daughter and satisfy whatever lingering feeling you have, but right after that, you will swiftly conclude your marriage with her, …how about it?
***T/N : This part of memoir is quite long so I decided to split it in three parts.
Waaaaah, our Danna-sama sure is getting heavily berated by everyone, tell me in the comment section whether are you feeling
sadistically satisfied, or feeling a slight pity for him!
*P.S : Liliana is such a badass Onee-sama~ re-check this chapter later/ tomorrow for I shall add a little ‘something’…..~
**14/11/18 08.48 PM The Illustration is finally done!!!
As you all can see, there’s a paypal donation button up there and some explanation, but no, I’m not dictating you guys to pay before I would draw the illustration, as my true purpose is to show you guys what i imagined and feel about the scene, plus, to make you guys enjoy my translation even if a little bit more.
However, if any of you would kindly consider to donate some, no matter how much, for me, it would certainly cheer me up and boost the translation speed even more!
All in all, I want to say thanks for keeping up with my translation for all this time, love you all~