I can think with the sense of values from my previous life in mind.

Silver-white hair and purple eyes, pretty good. Very fantastical. That’s the colour of a beautiful woman. It’s not me that the people resent, it’s the royal family. It’s not like I’m a bad person. Any adult with some good sense can understand that right away if they think about it a little.

I, living in this present world, lament.

I don’t need these things. Not this hair, not these eyes; I never wanted to be born possessing these colours. Even though I didn’t wish for this. Even though I didn’t wish for it, the blood of the royal family flows through me, and that will never change until the day I die. Even if I wasn’t a Liditz, I wouldn’t be loved in this world, no matter where I was born.

I wonder what Alfred thinks about the colour of his own eyes.

Alfred has the hair colour and the well-shaped face of his father, and the purple eyes of his mother, which are said to be sinister looking. Because of those eyes, Alfred is called by his foes as “The Black Devil”.

In the novel, Edward plots to take the throne using his son Alfred, who has the former princess as his mother and royal blood in his veins. He tries to use Alfred to clear the resentment of the innocent that has accumulated over a long, long time.

The kind-hearted Alfred learns of his father’s plot and denies it at first, but he soon learns of the troubling distrust and resentment towards the royal family among the people.

This isn’t described in the novel, but I wonder if Alfred ever wishes that his eyes weren’t this colour, or that he did not have royal blood in his veins.

If his eyes weren’t the same as mine. If he had not been born my child, and such.

Am I making my favourite character feel this way?

“Lady Justina, will you not use this coloured thread?”

Daniella asked me so and reminded me of the fact that I had been practising embroidery and that I had just bought some coloured threads the other day.

“That’s right, I won’t use that one yet. Could you put it away, please?”

When I asked her to put it away, Daniella bowed down and said: “It’s your husband’s colour, yes? Won’t this move the man’s heart way more than using some suspicious medicine?” And, she smiled.

I faintly smiled back, then brought my attention back to the practice cloth and needle in my hand…

While thinking it would be too much to say that I don’t want to see that colour for a while.

My husband invited me to dine together with him.

No way, I thought. I feel like I want to refrain from seeing that face of his which resembles Alfred so much.

It’s a little funny that not so long ago, I would have been angry at myself for throwing away such a great opportunity.

It would cause offence to refuse even though I’m not feeling well, so I let out a sigh and asked the butler to pass on my message: “Of course.”

“How you doing?”

My husband spoke so to me in a bland way. Unexpected. I replied “not bad”, while thinking that it was the other side that set up this seat.

It’s over. Silence.

Why is it that all the servants fidgeting around are looking at me? Are they trying to tell me to stop being rude to him? Maybe I should have said “thanks to you”?

But I can’t be bothered opening my mouth. I don’t feel like caring about other people right now.

“…Why aren’t you coming by my room any more?”

Hm? What does that line mean, I wonder?

What does he want to talk about? I don’t think it’s some aristocratic irony like “it’s so relaxing and comfortable thanks to that”… I don’t think that this man would let out his true feelings in a conversation with a woman. Well, I don’t know anything about this person other than what I learned in the novel, though. My husband has no interest in me, so is he just confirming the current situation?

“Yes, I’m sorry for the trouble that I caused you before.”

I have no idea, so maybe I should just apologize for now.

He looks a bit uncomfortable. Just a bit, though. I don’t get it, though.

“Isn’t there something wrong?”

“Nothing. Thanks to you, I am living my days in good health.”

There you go, I’m talking respectfully with your lord. This is good enough, right? What? Still no good?

Why is my husband and the servants looking at me like that? It’s not like I got this hair and these eyes just now, right?

“Shouldn’t I call a doctor? You shouldn’t push yourself if you’re feeling unwell.”

Ah, I see. Does it seem weird that someone who has been acting crazy is somehow responding normally? Yes, I see.

“No, you should not. I am very grateful that you care about me.”

Even if I am oppressed, I am still receiving an education. I can find the proper way to speak with such a person of importance, if I want to. Please leave today knowing that I am not just a rude little girl.

Well, leaving today aside, I hope that I can avoid being stared at like this next time. If there is a next time, of course.

As it turned out, we ended up being served dinner together as a couple every day.

But why!? Even though he ran away when I chased him, he started coming after me right when I stopped. What’s going on?

Because men are hunters of eternal romance? How annoying.

What’s with this person? What does he want from me?

“Did you get better at embroidery after that?”

It’s not a lot, but there is some conversation. Mostly coming from him. Even though he never seemed like the type to make small talk.

Anyway, embroidery? He’s not actually interested in that, is he?

“No, I am still so unskilled that it is embarrassing.”

Also, how did he learn that I was bad at it? Maybe from Daniella? Damn it, Daniella!

“I see. With repetition, I’m sure you will learn the technique. Do you have enough threads?”

“Yes. I’m so grateful that you do me the favour of thinking about such things.”

“…Isn’t there anything else you want other than threads? You’re not holding back, right?”

“Of course not. From the very beginning I’ve been treated well, not just by you but by everyone else too, so the things I wish for have are easily provided to me.”

“I see.… Tomorrow, I plan on going into town for some inspections.”

“Is that so? Please be careful.”

“…Yeah. Hmm, what should I get as a present?”

“I am fine without receiving such things. Please feel free to focus on your work. I don’t want anything.”

Hmm, why does he look like there’s something on his mind? He’s staring at me like that again.

Did I say something wrong? I’m sure that I wasn’t speaking rudely. I had a modest attitude, and didn’t speak selfishly or make any jokes. I want a hint, at least. What? Did the manners of aristocrats change recently without me noticing? Did I have to beg for a book about the latest manners? I don’t get it~.

I don’t understand.

I know that if I had not lived, I wouldn’t have wished that I had never been born.

I don’t know how Alfred would feel. But, isn’t this irresponsible?

I will give him these ominous colours and he will always be pointed to from his back. Can I really want a child despite knowing what will happen?

Alfred, and only Alfred cries with Justina in his mind.

He is the only one in this world who truly sees Justina, who no one ever took into consideration.

I don’t want to be the one who makes such a person suffer. I don’t want him to be burdened with things that he doesn’t have to.

I want to give birth. Alfred is all I have. But… It’s all such a mess. I don’t know.

I wonder if, one day, someone other than me can give birth to Alfred. It’s foolish, but, I wonder… I have to.

Alfred, my hope. I want to meet you. But, it’s scary.

I wish I wasn’t Justina. Why aren’t I Esther? I wish I could have met him as a woman and love him.

Alfred, what should I do?

Help me.

A knock on my room’s door.

I wonder who it is? I’ve asked Daniella to be left alone, and I’ve told the butler that I don’t want dinner today as I am feeling unwell.

Come on, I don’t want to see anyone. If you’re not Alfred, you can leave.

“…Yes.”

“How do you feel?”

A deep, low voice. When I first heard it, I was surprised how similar it was to what I had in mind, it’s a perfect voice for Edward.

I’m being called out to from the other side of the closed door.

Naturally. I’m a woman in her prime, you know? There is no way that Edward, always avoiding responsibility, would enter a room with no one but me inside.

It was a bit funny. Edward acts too ordinarily..

“I apologize dearly for worrying you. I think that I shall heal if I sleep.”

“…Maybe I could come in?”

Huh? A hallucination?

Did I just get asked for permission to enter the room? From Edward? Ah, is this a dream? But I was just thinking that he always acts so ordinarily?

In my confusion, the door was knocked again, as if urging me on.

“…By the way, you do knock, but you’ve never asked for permission to enter before, huh?”

Well, of course. It’s because he’d be refused. He who enters, wins, or something.

“In that case, I shall not ask for permission.”

What?

It felt like my eyeballs were going to jump out. Because, even though I didn’t say anything, the door opened.

Wait, who is this? It’s not Edward? Is this someone wearing Edward’s skin? This is… Huh? Why?

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Chapter 6>