Now that I’m Dead, are you Satisfied? Translation

8. Lorona Ruth


Due to the melancholy in her heart, Lorona sighed.

She had been having it rough, recently.

Lorona was about to take part in a commemorative ceremony for her royal academy. Being honest, she’d rather be absent.

She muttered, “Lord Velbutte will be spending his time with Lumina, anyway. It doesn’t make sense for me to go.”

Remembering the face of her fiancée, Lorona sighed once again. Ever since she had enrolled in the royal academy, their relationship had become tense.

Crown prince Velbutte, who had been her fiancée since she was 4-years-old, had been acting cold to Lorona for some time.

Back when they were younger, he used to be a good friend of her’s. Nowadays, they had become strangers to each other. Lorona even felt that she was hated by him.

She didn’t ask for Velbutte’s love. In the first place, it was an arranged marriage.

Moreover, the titles of the future crown princess and the future king were nothing more than a burden to Lorona.

Born as the daughter of Count Ruth, she had long given up and accepted her fate. She had desperately tried to not be a hinderance to the other party.

Even if they couldn’t be like an ordinary couple who loved each other, she wanted to be considered family by Velbutte.

“…I wonder if I should tell my father about Lumina.”

She realized how nonsensical that was and shook her head.

Lorona understood that while her father was sweet and kind to her, he wasn’t on her side. Her father didn’t like it when anyone disturb his hobby. At the same time, he loved to boast that Lorona was the prince’s fiancée.

Therefore, if Lorona were to complain about it, her father would surely make a fuss.

She also had to pay close attention to Lumina, the direct cause of the uproar.

Velbutte was Lorona’s fiancée. Therefore, Lumina shouldn’t unnecessarily become intimate with him and mislead her surroundings.

As a lady, Lumina also had to behave modestly as she’d eventually marry into another aristocrat’s family.

Towards Lumina, Lorona had advised at least that much—to no avail.

If anything, Lumina only grew even more hostile towards Lorona.

It was great that Velbutte was fond of Lumina, regardless, their relationship would only create a stigma.

When Lumina heard that from Lorona, she only twisted her beautiful face in derision and glared at her without saying anything.

…Lorona had no allies.

From an early age, Lorona wasn’t good at expressing her emotional ups and downs.

At the same time, she had a sharp memory. Even her childhood memories were still vivid in her mind.

She was always praised by her surroundings for being well-behaved and level-headed, but in reality, Lorona was just a normal girl. She had emotions.

However, whenever she tried to express herself, it just didn’t work. Whenever she got angry or cried, her mother would only get annoyed.

When her mother died, she was unable to comprehend her death. While in grief over the fact that she could no longer see her, Lorona couldn’t properly shed her tears.

Eventually, her father, Count Ruth, went astray. Lorona desperately played the role of a good girl so as to not trouble him.

Her father loved Lorona. He’d boast about her, loudly tell everyone that he was proud of her, and he bought her a lot of things.

Nevertheless, Lorona was always lonely. Deep down, she knew that her father never actually looked at her. He also never gently caressed her head or read her picture books before she went to bed.

It wasn’t until Lorona went to the royal castle for the princess education that she realized—to her father, she was merely a doll for him to brag about—the ‘Perfect Daughter Lorona.’

The king and the queen loved and cherished the young Velbutte. Their attitude as parents were completely different from Lorona’s parents.

If she were to marry Velbutte, the generous king and queen might become her parents. With such faint expectations, Lorona continued making effort. However, Lorona understood that her goal might no longer be feasible.

She muttered, “It seems that all the effort I’ve made was for naught…”

What’s wrong with me?

Lorona had been having such thoughts lately.

Shortly after her mother had died, Lorona’s father remarried her tutor, Belverassa.

The two-year-old Lorona was pleased by that news.

Surely, her turbulent father would calm down. Not to mention, she’d also attain a new mother and a new family.

But as soon as Belverassa got married, she turned into a strange and temperamental woman. In the end, she didn’t become Lorona’s mother.

All the dresses and accessories that used to belong to Lorona’s deceased mother were taken away. Soon, Belverassa became pregnant, and began acting like an empress.

Lorona, who was too young to judge right or wrong, had no choice but to obey Belverassa.

Lorona thought that as a younger sister, Lumina was both petite and adorable. However, Belverassa didn’t allow them to become close.

After the war, her father rarely returned home. Like a toddler, he acted as if he was still fighting in a war. Belverassa didn’t seem to have qualms about it, especially since she was too immersed in her flashy, aristocratic, play.

At the end of her overly complex childhood, Lorona was engaged to the prince, Velbutte.

Lorona desperately tried to lead a life where she wouldn’t shame her position as a countess.

Every day, she strove to not fail the crown princess education.

All she wanted was for Velbutte to act with the awareness that he’d someday become a king.

“…Everything is a mess.”

She knew that Lumina was attracted with Velbutte.

Velbutte also loved Lumina, someone who could express herself well.

Regardless, Lorona still believed—

—that her fiancée wouldn’t betray her.

—that her little sister would refrain from causing her sadness.

Her eyelids became hot, but no tears would come out.

How can I cry?

How can I make someone listen to my side of story?

In a labyrinth without a single answer, Lorona, who couldn’t go anywhere anymore, kept wandering aimlessly.

***T/N: Awww 😮 she isn’t just some kickass-all-according-to-keikaku heroine, but one with a depth to it!!!

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