8.1 The Day I Reflect upon Myself~
“Hello, Gilbert. It’s been a long time~”
“Indeed it has, Spica.”
Standing in front of me was a woman named Spica—she was also a witch. She visited this country once every year, but it had been a few years since I had last met her in person.
“From experience, I shall conclude that you came here for our kingdom’s food.”
“Well, well, there’s that …but y’know, this time, it happens that I’ve been tasked to scold a certain King’s younger brother.” Fufu~, she declared proudly holding out her chest.
“I see. I assume that you’re aware…”
“Mhm~ I heard from Dion. Oh! And also, Maria!” She continued, “You’re this old now! In what I assume a streak of puberty, it’s normal for troublesome things to happen—Hence, I hereby come to advise you as your senior!”
“Right, if it’s you… then you might be able to…”
“What? What happened to you? How unusual? Usually, you wouldn’t even give two cents about me.”
“It’s because I wasn’t interested…”
Back then, I was never interested because whatever knowledge she tried to share with me, I already knew.
But now, I realized that there were many things I was ignorant about.
As a witch, she was undeniably knowledgeable. She might be able to teach me about things I didn’t know.
However, there was also an extent to that. A witch’s knowledge generally centers on ancient times. Such things can be understood by merely reading a book.
My past self would definitely enjoy that.
“Recently, I’ve been depressed… I do not know how, or why, but one thing for sure is that I want to change …I think.”
“Huuuuh—?” Spica eyed me oddly.
She then asked me, “For what—or whom—do you want to change for?”
The abrupt question befuddled me.
“It’s… for her sake, for Anne Marie’s sake…!”
“Oooh, young boy, aren’t you motivated~? However, to Anne Marie, your actions will be seen as excessive, unnecessary, plus uncalled-for—and nothing more!”
She didn’t even try to conceal her contempt. “It’s you who wants to change, right? Or, did Anne Marie tell you, ‘Change! If you succeed, I’ll be with you!’ Did she?”
If she did, how great that’d be?
But the truth was, whether I change or not, she wouldn’t be by my side anymore.
“‘I want to change for Anne Marie’s sake!’ But what if she told you, ‘it’s fine, you don’t have to change’? What if she’s okay with you? What then? Will you stop trying?”
Even if she told me so, I felt like I still had to change—no matter what.
“If that’s what you truly intend to do, then why, how—I suggest you to consider those.”
Spica’s words silenced me. Seeing such a pathetic sight, she sighed.
“Boy, aren’t you a hopeless one …No wonder Dion’s very concerned about you.”
“Duke Westin, long time no see!”
While walking along the hall of the Royal Palace with Spica, someone called out to me. It was the Captain of the Knight Order.
Last time I met him was when I requested tighter security, just before that ball.
“Knight Captain, I’m sorry…”
He was the one who sincerely thanked me. He was grateful for the discovery of that grass.
The same grass that was supposed to be their key of victory, but became their downfall instead.
“Could you be talking about Malonie Grass?”
I was unable to meet his eyes, too ashamed to do so. Besides, it only served as a reminder for my sins, and depressed me even more.
But, towards my apologies, he only laughed.
“Hahaha! For there to be two sides to a medicine, it was far too common! Malonie Grass will be a top medicine if you can perfect it, somehow. At the end of the day, the one who saved the lives of many knights is still you, through your inventions, accept it.”
Hearing that, I incredulously raised my face.
He, whom was still willing to shower me with warm words, even after what I had done, he… he might be able to tell me…
“Captain… why did you choose your current job?”
“Huh? Well, that’s difficult… it is kind of personal, and also complicated. It can’t be put in words, sorry…”
“Is that so…”
“But why? What’s with the sudden question?”
“…There’s just something that I need to understand.”
—Why do I want to change?
—How do I intend to change?
“Okay, well…” The Knight Captain went silent, pondering about something. “It might not be an answer, but this is what I’ve always told the new recruits.”
“Training oneself comes first, defeating the enemy comes later.”
“Since violence is but an exchange and not the goal.”
“Those without a goal will never be strong, and thus, will never achieve anything.”
If I couldn’t find the answer—about why, or how should I change—why didn’t I just think about what could be changed?
“…Does that help? I’m sorry if it just adds to the confusion.”
“No, that’s actually a great help.”
Learn from experience. To keep it from happening ever again, what could be changed?
To solve this riddle, it seemed like I need to consider it from another angle.
“Thank you very much.”
I was certain that it came from the bottom of my heart.
*le gilbert: I WANT TO CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dramatic sfx
*also gilbert: …I dunno what to change ._.
As always, Danna-sama never fails to disappoint.