The Day I Found Her Translation

8.1 The Day I Reflect upon Myself~

ā€œHello, Gilbert. It’s been a long time~ā€

ā€œIndeed it has, Spica.ā€

Standing in front of me was a woman named Spica—she was also a witch. She visited this country once every year, but it had been a few years since I had last met her in person.

ā€œFrom experience, I shall conclude that you came here for our kingdom’s food.ā€

ā€œWell, well, there’s that …but y’know, this time, it happens that I’ve been tasked to scold a certain King’s younger brother.ā€ Fufu~, she declared proudly holding out her chest.

ā€œI see. I assume that you’re awareā€¦ā€

ā€œMhm~ I heard from Dion. Oh! And also, Maria!ā€ She continued, ā€œYou’re this old now! In what I assume a streak of puberty, it’s normal for troublesome things to happen—Hence, I hereby come to advise you as your senior!ā€

ā€œRight, if it’s you… then you might be able toā€¦ā€

ā€œWhat? What happened to you? How unusual? Usually, you wouldn’t even give two cents about me.ā€

ā€œIt’s because I wasn’t interestedā€¦ā€

Back then, I was never interested because whatever knowledge she tried to share with me, I already knew.

But now, I realized that there were many things I was ignorant about.

As a witch, she was undeniably knowledgeable. She might be able to teach me about things I didn’t know.

However, there was also an extent to that. A witch’s knowledge generally centers on ancient times. Such things can be understood by merely reading a book.

My past self would definitely enjoy that.

ā€œRecently, I’ve been depressed… I do not know how, or why, but one thing for sure is that I want to change …I think.ā€

ā€œHuuuuh—?ā€ Spica eyed me oddly.

She then asked me, ā€œFor what—or whom—do you want to change for?ā€

The abrupt question befuddled me.

ā€œIt’s… for her sake, for Anne Marie’s sake…!ā€

ā€œOooh, young boy, aren’t you motivated~? However, to Anne Marie, your actions will be seen as excessive, unnecessary, plus uncalled-for—and nothing more!ā€

She didn’t even try to conceal her contempt. ā€œIt’s you who wants to change, right? Or, did Anne Marie tell you, ā€˜Change! If you succeed, I’ll be with you!’ Did she?ā€

ā€œNoā€¦ā€

If she did, how great that’d be?

But the truth was, whether I change or not, she wouldn’t be by my side anymore.

ā€œā€˜I want to change for Anne Marie’s sake!’ But what if she told you, ā€˜it’s fine, you don’t have to change’? What if she’s okay with you? What then? Will you stop trying?ā€

ā€œā€¦ā€

Even if she told me so, I felt like I still had to change—no matter what.

ā€œIf that’s what you truly intend to do, then why, how—I suggest you to consider those.ā€

Spica’s words silenced me. Seeing such a pathetic sight, she sighed.

ā€œBoy, aren’t you a hopeless one …No wonder Dion’s very concerned about you.ā€

ā€œDuke Westin, long time no see!ā€

While walking along the hall of the Royal Palace with Spica, someone called out to me. It was the Captain of the Knight Order.

Last time I met him was when I requested tighter security, just before that ball.

ā€œKnight Captain, I’m sorryā€¦ā€

He was the one who sincerely thanked me. He was grateful for the discovery of that grass.

The same grass that was supposed to be their key of victory, but became their downfall instead.

ā€œCould you be talking about Malonie Grass?ā€

ā€œIndeedā€¦ā€

I was unable to meet his eyes, too ashamed to do so. Besides, it only served as a reminder for my sins, and depressed me even more.

But, towards my apologies, he only laughed.

ā€œHahaha! For there to be two sides to a medicine, it was far too common! Malonie Grass will be a top medicine if you can perfect it, somehow. At the end of the day, the one who saved the lives of many knights is still you, through your inventions, accept it.ā€

Hearing that, I incredulously raised my face.

He, whom was still willing to shower me with warm words, even after what I had done, he… he might be able to tell me…

ā€œCaptain… why did you choose your current job?ā€

ā€œHuh? Well, that’s difficult… it is kind of personal, and also complicated. It can’t be put in words, sorry…ā€

ā€œIs that soā€¦ā€

ā€œBut why? What’s with the sudden question?ā€

ā€œā€¦There’s just something that I need to understand.ā€

—Why do I want to change?

—How do I intend to change?

ā€œOkay, wellā€¦ā€ The Knight Captain went silent, pondering about something. ā€œIt might not be an answer, but this is what I’ve always told the new recruits.ā€

ā€œTraining oneself comes first, defeating the enemy comes later.ā€

ā€œSince violence is but an exchange and not the goal.ā€

ā€œThose without a goal will never be strong, and thus, will never achieve anything.ā€

…That’s right.

If I couldn’t find the answer—about why, or how should I change—why didn’t I just think about what could be changed?

ā€œā€¦Does that help? I’m sorry if it just adds to the confusion.ā€

ā€œNo, that’s actually a great help.ā€

Learn from experience. To keep it from happening ever again, what could be changed?

To solve this riddle, it seemed like I need to consider it from another angle.

ā€œThank you very much.ā€

I was certain that it came from the bottom of my heart.


***T/N:
*le gilbert: I WANT TO CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dramatic sfx

*also gilbert: …I dunno what to change ._.

As always, Danna-sama never fails to disappoint.

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