8.1 The Day I Reflect upon Myself~
āHello, Gilbert. Itās been a long time~ā
āIndeed it has, Spica.ā
Standing in front of me was a woman named Spicaāshe was also a witch. She visited this country once every year, but it had been a few years since I had last met her in person.
āFrom experience, I shall conclude that you came here for our kingdomās food.ā
āWell, well, thereās that ā¦but yāknow, this time, it happens that Iāve been tasked to scold a certain Kingās younger brother.ā Fufu~, she declared proudly holding out her chest.
āI see. I assume that youāre awareā¦ā
āMhm~ I heard from Dion. Oh! And also, Maria!ā She continued, āYouāre this old now! In what I assume a streak of puberty, itās normal for troublesome things to happenāHence, I hereby come to advise you as your senior!ā
āRight, if itās you⦠then you might be able toā¦ā
āWhat? What happened to you? How unusual? Usually, you wouldnāt even give two cents about me.ā
āItās because I wasnāt interestedā¦ā
Back then, I was never interested because whatever knowledge she tried to share with me, I already knew.
But now, I realized that there were many things I was ignorant about.
As a witch, she was undeniably knowledgeable. She might be able to teach me about things I didnāt know.
However, there was also an extent to that. A witchās knowledge generally centers on ancient times. Such things can be understood by merely reading a book.
My past self would definitely enjoy that.
āRecently, Iāve been depressed⦠I do not know how, or why, but one thing for sure is that I want to change ā¦I think.ā
āHuuuuhā?ā Spica eyed me oddly.
She then asked me, āFor whatāor whomādo you want to change for?ā
The abrupt question befuddled me.
āItās⦠for her sake, for Anne Marieās sakeā¦!ā
āOooh, young boy, arenāt you motivated~? However, to Anne Marie, your actions will be seen as excessive, unnecessary, plus uncalled-forāand nothing more!ā
She didnāt even try to conceal her contempt. āItās you who wants to change, right? Or, did Anne Marie tell you, āChange! If you succeed, Iāll be with you!ā Did she?ā
āNoā¦ā
If she did, how great thatād be?
But the truth was, whether I change or not, she wouldnāt be by my side anymore.
āāI want to change for Anne Marieās sake!ā But what if she told you, āitās fine, you donāt have to changeā? What if sheās okay with you? What then? Will you stop trying?ā
āā¦ā
Even if she told me so, I felt like I still had to changeāno matter what.
āIf thatās what you truly intend to do, then why, howāI suggest you to consider those.ā
Spicaās words silenced me. Seeing such a pathetic sight, she sighed.
āBoy, arenāt you a hopeless one ā¦No wonder Dionās very concerned about you.ā
āDuke Westin, long time no see!ā
While walking along the hall of the Royal Palace with Spica, someone called out to me. It was the Captain of the Knight Order.
Last time I met him was when I requested tighter security, just before that ball.
āKnight Captain, Iām sorryā¦ā
He was the one who sincerely thanked me. He was grateful for the discovery of that grass.
The same grass that was supposed to be their key of victory, but became their downfall instead.
āCould you be talking about Malonie Grass?ā
āIndeedā¦ā
I was unable to meet his eyes, too ashamed to do so. Besides, it only served as a reminder for my sins, and depressed me even more.
But, towards my apologies, he only laughed.
āHahaha! For there to be two sides to a medicine, it was far too common! Malonie Grass will be a top medicine if you can perfect it, somehow. At the end of the day, the one who saved the lives of many knights is still you, through your inventions, accept it.ā
Hearing that, I incredulously raised my face.
He, whom was still willing to shower me with warm words, even after what I had done, he⦠he might be able to tell meā¦
āCaptain⦠why did you choose your current job?ā
āHuh? Well, thatās difficult⦠it is kind of personal, and also complicated. It canāt be put in words, sorry…ā
āIs that soā¦ā
āBut why? Whatās with the sudden question?ā
āā¦Thereās just something that I need to understand.ā
āWhy do I want to change?
āHow do I intend to change?
āOkay, wellā¦ā The Knight Captain went silent, pondering about something. āIt might not be an answer, but this is what Iāve always told the new recruits.ā
āTraining oneself comes first, defeating the enemy comes later.ā
āSince violence is but an exchange and not the goal.ā
āThose without a goal will never be strong, and thus, will never achieve anything.ā
ā¦Thatās right.
If I couldnāt find the answerāabout why, or how should I changeāwhy didnāt I just think about what could be changed?
āā¦Does that help? Iām sorry if it just adds to the confusion.ā
āNo, thatās actually a great help.ā
Learn from experience. To keep it from happening ever again, what could be changed?
To solve this riddle, it seemed like I need to consider it from another angle.
āThank you very much.ā
I was certain that it came from the bottom of my heart.
***T/N:
*le gilbert: I WANT TO CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dramatic sfx
*also gilbert: …I dunno what to change ._.
As always, Danna-sama never fails to disappoint.
Spica: āItās you who wants to change, right? Or, did Anne Marie tell you, āChange! If you succeed, Iāll be with you!ā Did she?ā
Me: heart eyes
Finally, someone gets it. You donāt get to arbitrarily set conditions for someoneās affection without their say so, like theyāre a prize to be won after you āprove yourselfā. Smh.
Thank you for the chapter~
Spica is spot on lol, “I want to change for ____!” If things are already over at that point, you’re just being a nuisance to that person.
Thank you, dear translator, for the wonderful work as always!