Chapter Thirty-Four: Words Entrusted to the Forget-Me-Not

“You look so much better today.” I said as I sat down on the chair next to the bed.

Cedric sat on the bed.

“Yes, Dr. Morgan’s medicine seems to be working well. I can feel my health improving every day.”

The Duke of Fuchsberger, Gawain, said with a gentle smile as he leaned back on the large cushion.

It’d been two weeks since that day. At first, Gawain slept all day, showing no signs of recovery. But finally, little by little, his complexion and voice were starting to show signs of recovery. Nevertheless, he still couldn’t get out of the bed, so he was resting in the guestroom of the marquis’ house.

James, his personal butler, was always by his side. A pair of maids came to the house every day in shifts to take care of the duke.

Lord William recovered quickly and went back to work in a week. He seemed to be quite busy, working from early in the morning until late at night. Regardless, he always came home every day and snuggle with me and Cedric.

Cedric’s nighttime crying never subsided, and at night, he clung to me and Lord William as he sobbed. For Cedric, the fact that he’d almost lost his only blood sister and brother-in-law seemed to engulf his small heart with an indescribable anxiety. He didn’t seem to know what to do. I felt sorry for Cedric, who had tearful eyes every morning.

“The head chef made chicken soup for us today.”

“Yup, I had a taste!”

“Really? Was it delicious?”

“Yes!” Cedric smiled and nodded.

Gawain smiled gently and reached out his left hand to stroke his small head.

“Lord Gawain, can you eat by yourself? If you still need help, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

Since he asked me to call by his name, I’d been calling the duke ‘Gawain’ recently.

“Then, may I ask for your help? It’s really difficult to eat without your dominant hand. I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t apologize. In the first place, you got injured because you protected me.”

The cut in Gawain’s right arm was deeper than expected, and due to the aftereffects of the medicine, he still couldn’t move it well. Dr. Morgan said that he’d recover if he worked hard at rehabilitation, but I was still worried. I was helping him eat as a small apology.

James prepared a small table over Gawain’s lap. Chicken soup—today’s lunch—was placed on it. The chicken was simmered without being deboned, with a lot of vegetables. This soup was perfect for when someone was feeling sick and had no appetite.

I climbed onto the bed and sat next to Gawain, pouring the soup into a mug. I scooped it up with a spoon, and blew on it to cool it down. Then, I brought it to Gawain’s mouth.

Being careful not to spill it, I poured the soup into Gawain’s mouth. He savored it carefully, before slowly gulping it.

“Ah, it has a mild, delicious flavor. Just as Ceddie said.”

“The head chef will be happy to hear that.”

“Let me feed you too, Uncle!”

“Please.”

Cedric nodded happily and took the spoon from me. Scooping the soup and tenderly cooked chicken, he blew on it, and brought it to Gawain’s mouth.

“I’m sure with Ceddie’s help, it’ll taste even more delicious!”

Ceddie smiled happily at my words and helped Gawain ate slowly, matching his pace.

Today, Gawain finally finished his food. I couldn’t help but smile with delight. James and Mary, the marquis’ maid who came to help, also seemed happy.

As I was speaking to Gawain, who asked me to stay a little longer, we heard a knock. James went to the door. A little while later, Lord William, dressed in knight’s uniform, peeked in.

“Brother-in-law!”

Cedric joyfully rushed toward Lord William, leaping into his arms without hesitation. As usual, Lord William picked up Ceddie and held him in one arm, kissing his cheek.

“Brother-in-law, are you done with work?”

“Unfortunately not yet, but I had a long lunch break, so I came back to see you. I heard that you’re at Lord Gawain’s place.”

“Lord William, Lord Gawain finished his lunch today!” I got off the bed and greeted Lord William.

“I see, that’s good. Lord Gawain, you look better today.”

“Thanks to James and the others, along with your lovely wife.” Gawain gave a small bow.

Lord William removed his sword from his waist and sat down on the chair next to the bed. Cedric immediately climbed onto his lap and sat down as if he owned the place.

So cute…

“By the way, if you’re feeling well, I’d like to give you the stole. I finally finished it yesterday.”

“Really? I’d love that.”

As Gawain said that, I left Cedric in William’s care and left the drawing room.

In truth, I’d finished hiding the stain on the stole during my time living at the shabby house. However, while Gawain was recuperating at our house, I had the opportunity to hear stories from the servants of the duke’s household. I listened to what they had to say about the duke’s wife and made some adjustments. As such, it was only finished recently.

When I returned to my room, Elsa and Ariana were there, cleaning up.

“What’s the matter, Milady?”

“I want to return the stole to Lord Gawain. He seems to be feeling very well today. He even finished his lunch.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful! I’ll have it ready right away!”

Smiling gently, Elsa brought the box containing the stole from my bedroom. I’d wrapped the box in beautiful paper and tied a ribbon around it last night before I went to sleep. Ariana brought a novel that I’d put on my bookshelf.

“I hope he likes it…”

“I’m sure he will! It’s so beautiful, I want one!” Ariana praised me frankly.

“…Hide your desire a little.” Elsa scolded her with a wry smile.

“We shall deliver it to his room.”

With that, I returned to the guest room with Elsa and Ariana.

As we entered, Lord William and Gawain, who seemed to be listening to Cedric’s story, turned to look at us. The table that was previously on Gawain’s lap had been cleared away, along with the silverware.

“Forgive me for the lateness, Lord Gawain… Elsa, please.”

“Here’s the stole that you’ve entrusted.”

Elsa stepped forward and placed the box on Gawain’s lap. Gawain tried to untie the ribbon with his left hand, but had difficulty. Cedric offered to help and removed the ribbon. Together, they opened the lid of the box.

“…This, is…”

Gawain took the stole out of the box, and Cedric spread it on his lap.

The pale blue stole was embroidered with flowers and cats. Seasonal flowers were embroidered on each of the four sides. In the area that had been stained with tea, a cat with distinctive pale gold fur and purple eyes was embroidered using gold, yellow, and white threads. The cat sat on a carpet of small blue flowers with its back to Gawain. It turned around slightly, holding a red and pink flower on its small mouth.

“The flower under this cat is the one Tasha left behind.”

Gawain caressed the small blue flower with his gnarled fingers.

“Yes, these flowers…”

I nodded and took something from the bottom of the box. It was the copy of the picture James had given me.

“They’re called forget-me-nots. They’re adorable flowers that bloom in spring and early summer. The flower’s symbolism is…”

“‘Don’t forget me,’ right?”

A slightly husky voice interrupted me.

His hazel eyes looked up at me apologetically.

“I said I didn’t know when I gave this to you, but I actually did know… It’s a famous flower—and Tasha’s final words. There’s no way I wouldn’t look it up. But these words… they terrify me.”

His fingertips hesitantly touched the forget-me-nots.

“I tell myself not to forget, but… memories fade away so slowly and quietly that it’s frightening. I don’t want to forget anything about her—be it her voice, her warmth, her smile, the sparkle of her hair, or even the beauty of her eyes…”

Gawain clutched his chest with his left hand and spat out in agony.

“No matter how much I endured, the pain and fear of not being able to remember her voice is eating away at me.”

Once, I read in a book that the first thing we’d forget about someone was their voice. Then their face. Then finally, the memories of that person.

The duke could still remember her face since portraits were available. He could also write down their memories together in a journal, or share them with his friends, James and the other servants.

But no matter what he did, he couldn’t keep her voice.

“I don’t want to forget anything about her… I’m a terrible husband. I wasn’t able to be with her at the end, I wasn’t able to grant her final wish, so I can’t help but feel that she hated me…”

His smile, mixed with self-deprecation, made my heart ache. Cedric stroked Gawain’s hand with a tearful look on his face. Regardless, Gawain’s smile remained twisted, a word apart from the gentle one from before.

Cedric withdrew his hand and returned to Lord William’s lap.

Instead, I sat on the edge of the bed and took Gawain’s right hand. His large hand, whose fingertips were slightly cold, remained motionless in my hand, as if he’d given up everything.

“Lord Gawain, that’s not true,” I stated firmly.

His hazel eyes looked back at me. Something akin to anger and hatred were floating in his eyes, yet I could tell that it was directed at himself.

“The late duchess doesn’t hate you, Lord Gawain. And it is not that she wishes you wouldn’t forget.”

“But this flower…”

“Look closely at this picture.”

I placed the picture in his left hand.

“The hand holding this flower isn’t a woman’s, but a man’s.”

Gawain seemed confused, and looked back and forth between me and the picture.

I made a signal with my eyes, and Ariana opened the novel she’d brought to the desired page. Then, she placed it on the bed.

On the right page, there was a man’s hand holding out the same forget-me-not flower as in the picture. On the opposite left page, there was a woman’s hand holding out a red rose and a pink statice flower.

“This is the same…”

“Yes. This is a romance novel called ‘The Kiss in the Herb Garden.’ As you can see, there are no words written on the back of this picture. It’s so that you can write whatever you want on the back and give it to a lover.”

Gawain looked back at me for an answer.

“…This is a novel set in the outskirts of a kingdom. It’s about two people who meet there, and were drawn to each other despite their difference. The man is of noble birth and has to return to the royal capital. At the same time, the woman falls ill. Since he has to leave her behind, he gives her these forget-me-nots because he doesn’t want her to forget him. Female readers would write love letters on the back of the forget-me-not page for their lovers. I think that’s why the late duchess grabbed that page at the end.”

“…Tasha…”

“In the story, the woman reaches from her bed for the vase on her bedside table. From there, she took the red rose and pink statice. The meaning of the red rose is ‘I love you.’ And the meaning of the statice is ‘unwavering heart.’ But pink statice in particular means ‘eternally unchanging.’ So the last message the late duchess left for Lord Gawain is ‘I love you forever, and it’ll never change’… I think that’s the true meaning behind her final words.”

The picture fell from his left hand, and his trembling left hand covered his mouth.

Cedric placed his small hand above mine, which was holding Gawain’s right one. Then, William’s large, warm hand was placed on top of it, covering us all.

“Duke, as Al also said, Lady Eustasha wasn’t the type of person who’d die hating you. She wouldn’t have chosen such a lonely death. I believe that until the very end, until the moment she took her last breath and beyond, she died loving you, just as you loved her.”

“But, but… she was all by herself! I… I left Tasha to die…”

From Gawain’s mouth, the one regret that had tormented him so spilled out.

His wife died so abruptly. It was so sudden, not even Gawain could’ve predicted it. Suddenly losing his beloved and being left behind left such a deep, painful scar in his heart.

“Just as you love her deeply until this moment, Lady Eustasha has departed for Heaven with your love in her heart.”

“If I’m in her shoes, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t lonely. But I don’t think I’ll ever resent or hate you, because I know the love, happiness, and joy that my loved one continued to show me. If it were me, I’d worry about whether Lord William would work too hard, and whether Ceddie would be able to eat his vegetables without being picky… I’d also hope that they, who’ll be left alone, will be happy.”

I knew that there was no point in me crying, but as tears streamed down Gawain’s cheeks, my own tears also overflowed.

Lovingly stroking the cat with its pale golden, curly fur, Gawain hugged his wife’s stole tightly with his left hand, as if he could no longer bear it.

“…Tasha… My dear Tasha.”

Calling her name as if clinging to her, Gawain arched his back and lowered his face to hide his sobs.

“Leave me alone for a while.”

I was extremely worried when he whispered those words, but at Lord William’s urging, we left the room. After we left, I could hear the duke’s apparent sobs.

As the door closed with a thud, James, with red eyes; and the maid, covering their eyes with aprons; bowed to me.

“Thank you very much.”

“Please raise your head. There’s no need to thank me…”

James shook his head, stubbornly bowing his head.

“Ever since losing his wife, Lord Gawain hasn’t been able to cry even once. Five years have passed since then, and now he’s finally able to cry… Thank you so much…”

Tears were falling drop by drop into the hallway.

“Tell Lord Gawain to get some rest. We’ll be in the living room.” Lord William said calmly.

“Yes.” James nodded with a trembling voice.

Then, with James and the others bowing their heads, we left the guestroom.

“Their tears aren’t tears of sadness. They’re tears of relief.”

As Lord William said this, he wrapped his arm around my waist. I walked, leaning my weight against him. Cedric was in Lord William’s other arm, clinging tightly to his neck and crying a little.

I’d told him that Gawain had lost his wife, so even though he was young, he must’ve felt something.

“Sister, Brother-in-law, I hope uncle gets better soon.”

“…I hope so, too.”

“Cedric is taking such good care of him. He’ll get better soon.”

When Lord William and I smiled, Cedric nodded and gave a small laugh, his eyes moist.

***

(POV: Gawain)

The cat with pale golden curly fur was intricately drawn with threads of many colors. It looked back at me with its purple eyes.

Tomboy, cheerful, whimsical, unruly, and refuse to be spoiled. Nevertheless, when I hugged her, she’d happily melt into my arms. She was a lovely, precious woman.

“…Tasha, Tasha.”

Hugging the stole, I cried without shame or dignity.

“—Listen, I’m only going to say this once, so listen carefully. I love you, my Wayne. I love you more than anyone in the world.”

I felt as if I’d heard her honest voice right next to my ear. Somehow, it was possible for me to cry even harder, without my tears drying up.

The beautiful and adorable pale gold cat was surrounded by vibrant seasonal flowers. It looked back at me with eyes as pretty as violets, seemingly smiling.

<Previous Chapter

Next Chapter>